it’s not that fucking hard, all these republican motherfuckers have been fighting mask restrictions as an infringement on their personal rights and now vaccines are political because they’re being forced to put them into their bodies by the government and that makes them SO mad......BUT they’re gonna keep fighting…

x

i’m trying to convince my family not to stick all the produce in the fridge but that shit is HARD-FUCKING-CODED. even i have to fight the urge to put tomatoes in.

i used to think an egg wasn’t fully cooked until it had been flipped and cooked on both sides. FUCK. THAT. so many ruined yolks.

i’m pretty sure the philosophy was how to look super busy without actually doing anything.

fuck it michelle, for what’s it worth i ain’t got got a single kind syllable for any of those desperately ignorant bitch-ass nazis (all 114% of whom voted for trump.) i don’t have all fucking day to sort non-racist republicans into separate piles so it’s just easier to assume they could be or at the very least…

yet another reason why i grew up thinking american cars are fucking garbage. i gotta give ford credit for realizing that. they used to make good ass trucks and shitty little cars i couldn’t pick out of a lineup. i’d take a 10 year old honda over the last ford car to roll off the line.

just wanted to share something i made

plus it would seem to me that many fine movies have been made without chair restrictions. like, how much different would this movie be if sitting were allowed? will we find out after the 4 hour “Chair-cut?”

i’ve always thought it would be best to just abandon everything and start fresh somewhere else if things got that bad, but i recognize it’s not that simple. there’s much left to do: steal a ferrari and drive cross country smashing windows at every trump property........

i LOVE drinking the vinegar brine that comes in jars of yellow peppers as a mixer. it tastes great in vodka and tequila shots, anything tangy like a michelada, and it even makes red wine palatable.

only democrats get abortions. no respectable republican would ever be such a massively fucking dumb cunt and ever have one of those nasty abortions they hate so much. unless they do.

chuck can be the joe montana of golf, just like trump is known as the Pelé of golf.

my jeep zj is the bane of my existence and after years of fixing things that didn’t need fixing i diagnosed most of my problems to be because of the wiring harness to ECU. sometimes it’ll turn it off while driving or refuse to turn on but i found if i jam the harness in it’ll immediately turn on and stay on.

the first harry potter was probably just out on dvd and playing while i made out with a girl for the first time, that and a nicole kidman movie about a haunted house. i like those movies but not because i actually watched them. alls i remember is the dude that looked like trent reznor.

i love wonton soup, i love everything about it especially from my favorite place. i haven’t had it in 10+ years but i had a ritual when i ate it: squeeze like 4 lemon wedges in it while digging out every last piece of crab out the motherfucker. gross, it tastes like fish.