Just so you know, I think crooked teeth are the cutest thing ever. So if you smiled at me, I'd probably be thinking about how cute you are. Which might be kind of creepy . . .

I come from a very small town, and I'm naturally quite friendly. However, after just a few weeks of living in the city (and a lot of cat-calling), I learned to adopt an attitude that would really frighten most of the people I grew up with. You do what you have to do to keep yourself safe.

That would be nice, but the driver would have to put up with (and promise not to tell anyone about) my extremely loud car singing. Car singing is a necessity.

Breaking Bad is probably the best show on tv right now. I can't wait for the next season.

I'm just kind of curious since I don't drive, what would be the totally impressive celebrity gift for me (if I were a totally impressive celebrity). A bus pass? A lifelong subscription to the taxi service of my choice? My significant other's promise that they'll drop everything and drive me wherever I want to go…

Great minds and all that . . .

My sister had a stroke in her early thirties. It was chiropractic caused (the most common cause for strokes in women under thirty-five). She was very badly off and in a coma for a long time, but she is doing well now.

But Morrissey is an asshole and Tim Gunn is wonderful and beautiful.

Is it bad that my thought was that if I had his money I could buy such awesome sex toys I'd never need to have sex again? People are messy.

I have the same resolution. And right at the beginning of the year, my favorite pair of pants tore all along the seam clear down the back (luckily I had two pair in that style). I live in Salt Lake City, though, and there are really, really good thrift stores every couple of blocks, so I don't think this resolution…

There's this thing called gallows humor. People joke about uncomfortable subjects.

She is simply beautiful. My heart warms every time I see her. Even my mom, who is as conservative as they come, likes her.

No!!! Don't call him Newtons!! It will forever ruin fig newtons, which are some of the best cookies ever! He is not worthy of the name!!!!

Best hug EVER!!!!!

I'm still kind of amazed that I clicked to see the pics. Oh well. Who doesn't want to see a diseased dick cake?

Yes, this. Sometimes I can't believe my parents let me watch that show (from the time I was a little kid), but wouldn't let me watch Roseanne because it was too dirty. I think they just thought anything on PBS was appropriate.

That cock cake Miley's chewing looks like it has the herp. Stay away! Stay away!

The alone time cat is also always trying to get a peek in the toilet before I close the lid and flush. The inseparable cat waits right outside the shower for me. They are a wee bit pervy. It's the nature of cats.

My favorite is when I'm shaving my legs, and I come up and there's a boob-shaped round spot in the shaving cream on my thigh. Thanks, giganto-boobs.

I totally call my nephew's playpen his babycage. And he loved his babycage.