@JSPOOLE: Hello. Pardon me for just a moment while I sort out your misplaced notion of being superior from the fact you don't pick up on details very well. You are correct that in DOOM 3, your character is an active marine. And you totally nailed that portal thing. Event Horizon, got it. Sadly, it looks like you might…

I wait on Alaska's frigid shores, waiting to ambush the Red Threat and spill their blood in the snow in the name of the U.S. or A!

@Narishma: Ridiculous! Everyone knows there are no demons in Gears of War... Duh.

@GUNJAM: Thanks to the magic of time stamps and not caring about accessorizing my post to make a point, I totally win the Alan Thicke comment race... But DaiMacculate did include the pic, which was certainly a nice touch.

Since when did Alan Thicke start writing sci-fi?

"So, um, there's this.....portal...machine...and when a scientist - NO! A ROGUE scientist - turns it on, these...uh...demons flood in through some rift. The only one who can stop them all is this..uhhh..brash loose cannon space marine who is...a prisoner? No. Wait... He's a former space marine, discharged for…

Oddworld: Stranger? No. Blowout? Yes, yes, a millions times YES!!!

@JuiceMan: Because you loathe yourself. There's no need to hate yourself... Go, go and buy Fallout 3.

I'm still not convinced this is going to work, though there is a very good chance that "All Units" is 2009's first Kotaku meme. Congrats!

Ah yes, it's that time of year again. You always know that Springtime is slowly approaching when Brett Favre decides to retire and/or unretire. Time to get the hammock ready!

@krokounleashed: I think you're starting to split hairs. You'd have to admit that in the real world, babies and animals born with two heads, more often than not, either die quickly or live rather unfavorable (and shortened) lives - not to mention that radiation in the real world doesn't make you spontaneously mutate…

@MDRL: It's very easy to complain - just watch!

$.83 doesn't sound like much, but this is America. Invest that in our stock market and you too can be rich beyond your wildest dreams! The dream is real!

@Spindok712: Extreme Makeover: Home Edition - it's like the building portions of The Sims combined with quick-time events to trigger weepy eyes and sobbing.

@Ryuuzaki: My thoughts exactly. I should have seen that disaster coming a mile away, but The Numbers clouded my mind.

@Big Tuna: If that's the case, you might as well give it to Baby Mangino now... No one can defeat the adorable Truffle Shuffle he shall unleash.

@chaos_isnt_here: Yes, the eyebrows are the most troubling thing about the denizens of Animal Crossing - not the massive, swollen, tumor-laden heads of the entire population.

@WhiteFeather: What exactly are those wacky kids up to these days?

@Mean_Old_Frisco: Sadly, something this meaningless is boardering on 5 agonizing seconds.

@NinjaBurg3r: Around these parts, what's left of the loyal fanbase (now reduced to only the criminally insane and the exceptionally dim-witted) believes that everything is in the Lions' favor against the Packers on Sunday. Talk radio is abuzz with how Green Bay lost to Chicago and is on a slide of their own. "we're…