I am buying the hell out of a 40-inch 1080p television for $115. That is absurd.

I am buying the hell out of a 40-inch 1080p television for $115. That is absurd.

2/4, 3/19, 5/22, 6/5, and 7/12? This motherfucker Herman Munstered into her mentions.

I don’t discount her serve at all; it’s incomparable. I just know her backhand is legit signature; I’m not sure any player anytime soon is going to have the compactness, the strength, and the accuracy to the extent Serena does. Nobody has any business having that lethal of a shot requiring that little movement and…

Serena’s two-handed backhand is... I know it’s not as demonstrably good as Kareem’s Skyhook or Mo’s cutter (like, it’s almost totally flat), but it’s totally signature and yep, it’ll break you given enough time. Love this woman.

There are decades’ worth of dominant tennis players behind Serena. Ronda can’t say the same. Ronda’s resume is impressive, but her sport is still people shooting into peach baskets compared to tennis.

Wielding state power does some supremely fucked up things to people with flimsy ethical frameworks. Anybody whose actions or decision-making can be read as being the action or decision-making of the state absolutely must be held to intense scrutiny if we’re going to ever pretend to reign in the actions of tiny…

Moved from Queens, with a pregnant wife, to Southern California, at the end of January 2013. We flew. Originally, I was going to drive out our stuff and fly out the wife, but my dad somehow killed my car in the intervening months between planning and execution. How did we make it work?

I think a.) that is a completely unethical and reprehensible strategy and b.) I cannot fucking wait for somebody to do that exact thing.

We chose the incredibly stupid strategy of having our two daughters 13 months apart. Not only did we cut into the fun precocious one-year-old stuff with an exhausting newborn, we’re going to suffer through back-to-back shitty years for the rest of our goddamn lives.

It’s the least bad. A La Quinta in a sea of Econo Lodges.

This line of reasoning has seriously negative consequences on voting in general. Do you think the average person knows enough about the fields of macroeconomics, foreign policy, constitutional law, civil engineering, international finance, criminology, and history to make an adequately informed decision about national…

My guacamole has two ingredients: avocado and garlic salt. It is good and very eatable. Edible. I can eat the guacamole. You cannot eat the guacamole. I am eating the guacamole. The guacamole is made, and then eaten. By me. Who made the guacamole. You are not me. You will not eat the guacamole. Are you me? Because you…

Grapefruits are garbage; grapefruit juice is garbage; anybody that like either, by synthesis, is at least part garbage. It’s not a pleasant flavor. It’s horrid, bordering on war crime. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the good name of grapes had to be dragged through the mud—mud that, by the way, tastes infinitely…

Colin? Is that you?

Just reading the meta-analysis of the film makes me want to weep into a bottomless bag of snack foods. I am not prepared for this film in any way, shape or form.

I want to weep every time I watch that Secretariat run at Belmont. It is such utter dominance—without an iota of malice toward or even a cognizance of the competition. Just greatness for greatness’ sake. It's a rare and beautiful thing.

1. You’re not entitled to anybody’s affection, no matter who you are or what you do or how many Xs you Y or whatever other tortured logic you create for yourself. Stop it. Stop it now. And, as a corollary, people aren’t bad or ungrateful or manipulative or whatever else just because they don’t have romantic thoughts…

A simple proposal: we call the strategy FreeAndre.

The sound bugs me so much, I just want to get into a committed relationship with it and then violate that trust by physically abusing it because that’s what real men do.

I want/need “hey Mister Kanye” as my ringtone.