I got left in the car with my brothers all the time as a kid, in perfectly acceptable situations, and I’ve never thought of it as a problem. One of my worst childhood memories is being approached by a couple of “well-meaning” strangers who tried to convince us to get out of the car before we suffocated (the windows…

REGARDING THE ONE-GLOVE THING:

Yeah I don’t think I’ve used an audible notification sound (other than wake-up alarm) on my phone since like, high school. At which time, I should point out, they had not invented song ringtones.

If I say “George,” you think “Bush.” If I say “Barbara,” you think “Walters.”

These Ninepologists must be so confused when marathon winners run through that ribbon at the finish line instead of stopping right behind it.

Oh man, this is so helpful. I have a collection of stuffed animals large enough that I have built custom storage for them and keep a spreadsheet to ensure that I remember all their names and love them equally.

what number do we call to leave our voicemail comments

While I am vehemently against the exotic pet trade, I am perhaps even more vehemently in favor of appreciating anteater badassery. In that spirit, I suggest this compromise: If you have access to an anteater-equipped zoo, GO. Like your typical zoo animals, they are probably asleep more often than not, so you…

I lurked these comment sections for years, vowing that I would only create an account and comment on the day I finally read a piece that I agreed with 100 percent.

Just commenting here because I also really want to know this answer.

Oh man, you are SO right about New York City. I live here, and I am fucking sick of hearing about the bagels.

How dare you lump together under the umbrella of "PA sports fans" two fanbases who despise each other so bitterly. I understand that it may be easy to blanket Penn State, but as a Pittsburgh fan, I assure you that Philly fans are the absolute worst, with the possible exception of Pittsburgh fans. Okay I see what you…

All of the above. This piece is so right from start to finish I finally created a Kinja account after years of lurking just to voice my agreement.

I keep Left Hand Nitro in my fridge at all times. It exemplifies the "I'm thirsty; think I'll have a stout" attitude of this article.