Good stuff, I’ll add that if you can cheat on your partner, then convince yourself its better not to tell them, either one of those is leading you down a slippery slope. What other rotten things can you do and justify keeping it to yourself?

If your partner already fears the worst, fess up. You’ll cause them way more psychological anguish by denying that it happened. There’s nothing more tormenting that knowing something in your gut, but having your lover repeatedly deny it.

This is a really useful discussion to have with yourself because I agree that there aren’t any black-and-white, correct/incorrect perspectives that apply to ALL situations, as this list very convincingly states.

The situations are different, but the logic is the same: Take responsibility for your own actions. It’s the least that can be done.

My husband is like you. He is insistent that he would never, ever want to know, ever. I am the opposite- I believe I could forgive a single transgression as long as he fessed up and allowed us to actually work on what was wrong in the first place. If he cheated and never told me and I found out anyway? My ass would be…

Here’s one idea — have some moral character and don’t cheat in the first place

Yes your marriage is done. You will never trust her again nor should you. Eight years isn’t an impulse.

As an adult, it doesn’t matter if your mental is less than sharp(I.E.: Drunk, high). You are responsible for your actions. You don’t see people getting off on Murder just because they happened to be tipsy. Same applies here.

Yes.

WHEN NOT TO TELL:

cheating takes at least some effort. it doesn’t just happen. before and during even a one night stand there are several decision points where you could decide not to cheat - even if you are wasted. so if you think you want to stay in the relationship you try to figure out why you went down that path and you definitely…

When to tell your partner you’ve cheated:

Just found out my wife’s been cheating for eight fucking years. Marriage pretty much done. Haven’t pulled the trigger yet on divorce but kinda have too.

Dealt with this recently.

“Ultimately, you’re the only person who can decide what feels right for your relationship.”
Uhm no. Your SO also can decide what feels right in the relationship, and if I’m your SO and you cheated on me, I would like to know if you cheated. Even if it was a one time thing and you feel guilty and it will never happen…

Note to self: Don't date Vanessa Marin.

Who wants a relationship built on lies? If you cheat on somebody but dont’ tell them because you want the relationship to work out, that is terrible. I can’t even begin to imagine going through life carrying that burden on your shoulders. Just tell your partner and work it out. If you can’t work it out, that really…

Secret-keeping proponents counter that confessing only serves to lessen your guilt by putting the weight on your partner’s shoulders—it’s selfish in a different kind of way.

God this just brought up the anger again from finding out... Fuck the cheater. They deserve to catch every VD and live long to suffer from it.

This is just absolute garbage, there is never not a time to tell your so when you have cheated. Scumbag move to not tell Vanessa.