Doctors’ offices should be like gas stations - one giant red NOPE button on the wall, if anybody feels uncomfortable and hits it everything stops for a safety check and the doctors get sprayed with toxic foam.

I literally covered my mouth with one hand like a bad actress.

So, if I watched an episode of Suits one time don’t I get an invite? Damn.

Melania however seems...thrilled?

I am projecting, but I have a feeling Meghan knows her father and isn’t half as ruffled about this as the gossip blogs are making her out to be. He’ll likely say he’s going at the last possible second to milk this manufactured nonsense for all it’s worth.

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry tie the knot in Westminster Abbey

No wonder Meghan knows her way around royalty. Her dad is a fucking drama queen.

Exactly. Can you imagine the red vs. blue voting bloc drama? It would either lead to the next civil war or unite the nation.

The sad truth is that a state vs. state show would be a phenomenal success because Americans hate each other.

Okay, so can we please just go ahead and conclude that “going off” on someone is not in the same category as forcibly kissing them, and need not be introduced as though it’s of even remotely the same class of (mis)behavior? I’m sorry, but revelations of sexual assault really do not need to be hijacked by accounts of…

I find it hard to believe that Don Jr found one one woman to flop around on top of, much less two.

Blech! She used to married to Gavin Newsom. Talk about trading down.

chicken in red wine is literally like Julia Child’s signature recipe, what are you talking about

Cooking white meat in red wine is fine. It’s not a great idea for presentation purposes, but if it’s just you and your partner/family eating weeknight dinner and no one really cares what the dish looks like, you’re okay, and if you’re cooking in a dishwasher you really don’t need to get that picky.

Let me ask- is there an all you can eat buffet heavily featuring bacon at the Met Gala? Is there an open bar with lots of whiskey and beer? No?

One paragraph in, I already knew I was not going to be looking at this kids videos or instagram.

I’m just so, so old and so, so tired. Pardon me for going into “Old Man Rants at Cloud” mode here, but I really wish society would stop rewarding assholes and idiots with likes, clicks, money, views, what have you. Logan Paul acts like the worst stereotype of an ugly American in Japan, throwing shit at cops and…

You know what would be great? If parents couldn’t make money off of pimping out their children. The whole crazy “stage mom/dad” thing would shut down overnight.

Can we not make this a thing please? Not even a thinkpiece type of thing? There’s no mystery here, and it doesn’t take investigative journalism to see this is clearly a small child being coached by overbearing stage parents to perform an annoying, badly Blaccented, not very clever character. This is cringeworthy at…

Smorgas all the way. Fight me in the comments.