I’m no lady and going to sick Cerberus on you for calling me a cat lady. #TeamDog

I hate cats.

This is what happens when a black guy with too much cheddar encounters a white person with swiss cheese for brains.

My takeaway? Nobody is wearing glasses. As someone who can’t wear contacts and wears pretty big prescription glasses I feel mostly ignored by VR Tech. I tried Oculus and it was pretty uncomfortable and could not accommodate my current spectacles.

When they said they would pray for them:

No real ghost stories but this book series scared the shit out of me as kid:

Or it could leave an ugly mark on their underwear.

The ads will be approved. Period.

Look at these slutty McSlutterson loose dinos in their FM pumps!

ok i watched the movie and i thought there was no point in the movie where she had time to find sneakers her size and change into them. she was on the run in jungle terrain the entire time. she could have just taken them off and run barefoot but then she’d have no skin at the bottom of her feet by the end, and also…

Can we send a signal to the Predator homeworld so they can send someone to rip his spine out? That would be awesome to me. Then we can liquidate his assets and use them to fund a xenomorph breeding program that targets only sexual predators. Of course, they are bound to go outside their programming and run amok, but…

I think the trouble makers should get the curfew. If men are the problem, then give them an 8pm curfew. Seems fair to me.

Since men are doing all the raping, why not have a curfew for men instead?

“The Oilers and Canes? Really? They’re fucking TERRIBLE hockey teams. Like, the worst two in the league.”

I hear ya. I’m at the age that if I’m vertical at 3 AM on any given night, something must have gone horribly wrong in the hours leading up to it.

And meanwhile the youth vote is just sitting there “Okay, the Conservatives have been in power our entire adult lives and we are SO POOR ALREADY.”

My riding went to the cons by 18 votes in the last election (The smallest margin in the country), This time the liberals won by almost 11k votes. Every vote makes a difference.

And come on, that 9th shoe is just a waste. I wear all of mine in pairs. Much easier than mixing and matching. It’s my favorite minimalist lifehack. You’re welcome.

If I’m paying 31 million buckaroos for my wedding, it must include Idris Elba interrupting the proceedings, declaring his everlasting love for me and marrying me on the spot while David Bowie sings “Life on Mars.” For starters.

Your mom is so sexually liberated that she is proud of not conforming to the patriarchy’s preconceived notions of feminine modesty and chastity, so she has a lot of sex with various partners and makes her own choices about when to use contraceptives.