Dear Melissa McCarthy:

Avoid being abducted?

That and the bad girls video were my highlights.

co-signed. He also seems like a remarkable person.

It’s a mystery. I was a black commenter for several years and a few weeks ago I was put back in the greys. Shrug.

I started my morning with having a debate with a Trump supporter about why the term Redskins is deragatory.

There’s no “formula” (sadly). Just keep commenting as thoughtfully as you’ve been. Try to get in early, if you can.

Because when at least two of the guests wind up dead they are hoping it will be chalked up to thematic consistency.

This is what happens every time the students I interview tell me about how much they love The Great Gatsby because “it’s all about the American Dream!” Not in the way you think, dipshits; you missed all of the cynicism.

I am really into those blue pants. Also, really not into Jared Leto.

Why is everyone always having Gatsby-themed birthday parties and weddings? That book is about terrible people being terrible! All of Gatsby’s fabulous parties are just a cover for his miserable, lonely life built on a foundation of lies! It is not an aspirational tale!

Why can I not stop laughing at this?

Right??? Like it’s not like I regard Taylor Swift as a pinnacle of art but this dude at my work (who has a giant beard, slicked back hair, and wears “long shirts” that are basically dresses and Vans) was like making fun of girls for liking Taylor Swift and then turned to the only dude in the room and changed the topic…

Say it ain’t so.

I could watch foam for an hour and a half. Moretz, not so much.

You were just doing your friends a favor, even if they still don’t realize it.

It’s because they ordered a Larg-e-soda, and got a Minn-e-soda!!!

“There I was, enjoying a light repast at the Applebuddies club, engaging in a fine and stimulating discussion of Amanda McKittrick Ros’s brilliant use of simile and metaphor, when suddenly what should assault my ears but some jenny foreigner defiling the rarefied air of our great nation with her native tongue! Well I…

Her smile. It’s a thin disguise.

The kind that takes coupons?