What? Lots of cigar stores have wooden statues out front.

What about bears? We’re supposed to get bears on Friday.

I don’t live in New York, and it’d make for a good story, so I’m all for it.

1892 Panhard & Levassor, perhaps?

I got banned from Gawker main site for a while for saying that. Methinks them Jezzies didn’t get the reference.

Cobra 427 S/C. Unassisted brakes, unassisted steering with huge tires, hot, LOUD, cramped, physically assaultive power output, truly rudimentary suspension, creature comfort highlights include a windshield and seats.

Change gear, change gear, change gear, check mirror... murder a prostitute. Change gear, change gear, murder.

Mistaken for Murray’s Morrissey, Musketeer Macura Maligned for McMurphys Misdemeanor, Myles: “I’m Miffed!”

The real Myles Morrissey. Ive seen worse fakes.

Thought Catalog is the worst thing written *by* millennials. This is the worst thing written ABOUT millennials.

This is the worst? You’ve clearly never visited Thought Catalog.

Looks like he's done with verb conjugation, too.

I’d sale a book of English grammar to Nick if he’s interested.

Shep McAllister, take note: That’s how you promote a sale.

If McDonalds breakfast and cheating on Iggy is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Ah yes, it’s so very noble to have a side-chick. He might as well just open a harem and start dealing in concubines.