Even when I believed in Santa, I did NOT wake up at ass o’ clock! 

I’m in Eastern Europe and work for a US company that has been among the top 10 brands for decades.

I would literally have died. What the hell is with people who vacation like this?

My sister and I used to vacation together until I learned she is unbearable once we’re out of U.S. air space.

nope, moved to assisted living from where she writes everyone hate mail! she's a peach

Not so much a faux pas, but I’m sure my in-laws would like to forget the time I told them that if Christmas is a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus, maybe they could stop being arseholes about immigrants?

And Dragon Granny’s house so unfortunately burned to the ground, I hope.

Oh, remembered another one. So I have a dragon grandmother who lived about 2 hours away from where I grew up, so we’d drive up for Christmas most years. When I was 15 or so, there was a snow storm forecast for the 24th, and we intended to get out ahead of it, but my little sister made us late for some no big deal…

I’m still mad about that.

This surely won’t be the worst, but last year I had a company Christmas lunch in which the secretary explained to the director (a qualified veterinarian) and me (biomed r&d at the time) how cancer was a fungus that could be cured with baking soda and clean eating. For 15 minutes. And how her doctors had been amazed.…

Bye bye influencers!

Remember when missionary won?

Tic Tacs at work are for people who are trying to cover up coffee breath they don’t have time to deal with. Tic Tacs in the bedroom are for someone who thinks “my toothbrush is 5 feet away, but these mints are good enough,”either because he is a trash panda or because he’s afraid whoever he’s Weinsteining might try to…

My brother in law just started keto (again) - he’s our sober driver for his own birthday party because CARBS... and he is particularly not fun when hes sober as well.

I feel like we’re displacing our disgust with Ivanka onto her dog. 

ugh, the keto diet. tell me again why bananas are bad for me and pepperoni is fine

LOL. You think anyone in his circle tells him anything negative? Oh sweet summer child.

That joke isn’t dead. I mean, look around the White House now. It looks a lot like this.

Choose the one you find more repellent. So, like, which is worse: people who couldn’t discuss Hillary without bringing up the eleventy million emails she deleted where she discussed killing Scalia in the loft of a Chuck-E-Cheese, or people who write endless fanfics about how Bernie had some secret General Election…

That vote was determined by just 69 voters.