He didn’t say his life was hard.

what he was saying really reminded me of a kid I knew who went insane from doing too many drugs and he went to speedway and poured sugar and coffee all over himself and THEN went to big boy ahirtless and was painting his body with nail polish and handing out flowers to people.

Eh. I don’t think it’s completely fair to null other people’s feelings just because they’re famous or because they have money. I’m sure he has bad days and insecurities. As long as he keeps things in perspective and doesn’t claim his woes are worse than other people’s.

Fair. Very fair.

To be honest, Matt Damon does not seem like the kind of person who could “wild”.

My bra is also named Cacique.

That chipper little whistle the dolphin gives just slays me. Dolphin’s all “just being a pal!”

Here’s your phone back, it totes won’t work anymore, but here it is anyway.

And since it’s a dolphin, it only did it to hopefully have sex with her.

Dolphin was like “Look I didn’t even invite you here and you leave your trash in my house, here take it back.”

Let Tina be your guide.

BEST. THEMES. EVER!

What’s your best “Invited to the Sock Hop” story?

I only went to my senior prom. I went stag and stole another girl’s date for a dance. That was enough.

Tsk, tsk. Everyone knows leaving your gun outside is like eating waffles with a side of emasculation.

Russell Wilson is the regular flavored ice cream of sports. He’s a pleasant drive through Vermont. He’s that feeling you get after that foot cramp goes away. Fuck that guy.

Alright, I’m convinced, Neil and Yoko are in cahoots.

Apologies to Cady, Dr NdeGT is to busy rockin the altruistic tweets to show up in your dreams at present.

There’s nothing wrong with being a humanist, but saying you are in response to a question of whether you’re a feminist implies that humanism is an alternative belief system about equality of the sexes, when it has nothing to do with gender.

And all I got was this stupid marriage license.