Why's that guy groping Russian Ana Ferris?

Does the floor say "REVEL"? Someone made a tape!

It was just vapor lock!

Make way for Willie

He killed it on Conan a few years ago too

YES!

It was not Deadspin laughing at me....IT WAS GOD.

The Quad City DJ's beg to differ

Thanks for the sad story, Tom.

Well...What would you say if I told you our waiters have been secretly serving you pico de gallo all night in place of your normal salsa dip!!! (*camera crew unveils themselves*)

For reals. I make it all the time. Everyone prefers it over store bought. If not you're a liar!!!

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Love that Metallica video

Only dead horses get beat

AND MAKE SURE YOUR HOUSE NUMBER IS VISIBLE AND/OR LIT!!!

If you look at his eyes when he reads the list you can tell he started from the bottom.

Word. We'll make it a Saturday so there's less traffic in Lakewood.

This is the closest Deadspin has ever and probably will ever report to my hometown! Huzzah!!!