I cannot tell you, as a Social Studies teacher, how excited I am to teach this. 

A dark curiosity in me wonders how much actual time the White House staff spends covering for things the Republican President has just made up on the spot because someone asked him a question he literally knew nothing about.

How does he not bleed to death from being so thin skinned?

The whole point of gun ownership for most of these zealots is disproportionate response. Have you ever seen a gun-nut thread about how to get away with shooting someone in the back for trespassing? How about “We don’t call 911" signs on their lawns? They’re literally looking for an excuse to shoot someone.

Hot take: I still find it a little weird that we’re all apparently fine with attempting to kill someone because he tried to steal your purse.

Trump knows how to brand.

The existence of the term “pornogrind band” implies that this musical genre I’ve never heard of is large enough that it warrants having a name, which is completely depressing. What ever happened to fuck the government?

And of course the token sunken place resident...

How to Sundown in 5 Easy Tweets.

while i am pleased there case will proceed “properly” (thanks appellate court!), i am curious if the Judge will face repercussions, censure, reprimand, spanking, de-judging, something so that is bad judgement isn’t allowed to happen again.

Wonder how many “sexual assaults” (not rapes, obv) the judge committed in his good college days?

After last night, I’m feeling a Warren/Harris ticket. So guess I’ll have a kale caesar at the buffet today.

Clay is the quintessential example of someone creating a character that was supposed to be an extreme parody only to gain fame and fortune from the kind of people that character was making fun of and ultimately become the very thing he thought was worthy of ridicule in the first place.

Clay using a decades-old picture of him as a young man on that poster is pretty funny.

Ok, but what about the pile of shit underneath the hair? Can’t fix that.

Unrelated but: any time someone introduces a guinea pig on a TV show it makes me nervous. I’m always scared Fleabag’s guinea pig is gunna get stepped on!

Just for anyone who needed to hear this today, alcohol is not responsible for your partner’s shitty abusive behavior. I had too much to drink hosting a bachelorette this weekend (safely at home), and my instinct was to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen. (Not very successfully, but the point stands.)

Can we please just get on with the matriarchy already?

“armed with milkshakes” is the funniest sentence ever. Also my new band name.