Seriously. There is a difference between asking forgiveness and receiving it. And, as a victim, you can intellectually forgive someone but at the emotional level still want them to die in a fire. Because healing doesn’t follow some kind of calendar. Whether you like it or not, something like molestation takes years to…

That string of lights makes me sad.

Men are always obsessing over what goes into a woman’s vagina and always amazed and squeamish by what comes out.

My mother got duped once but luckily she had no money anyway, so didn’t lose anything but her dignity. The second time someone tried (she’s a widow so in the demographic, apparently), he said that he needed money or his mother in England would die and she answered “Sometimes you just have to accept it’s a person’s…

As a person who grew up in the 80’s, the idea of not keeping an updated list (just in case the health department needed to know) strikes fear into my heart. Like seriously, I’m surprised my list doesn’t include last known address and next of kin. Have I ever needed to provide this information to any medical entity?…

I boycotted Charmin when those fucking bears first started making an appearance. I hate those goddamn bears with all of my soul. And the going commando thing and now this??? Holy shit (pardon the pun)!! I’m going to have to start using leaves to wipe if I keep trying to boycott all the bathroom products that totally…

Cheney. Duh.

I thought there was going to be a wine of the wrong vintage.

My mom straight up told me that she had me so she could feel unconditional love. Not that she wanted to feel it toward another, but that she wanted someone to look up at her and feel that way. She was young when she had me and had/has some major self-esteem issues, but I really think having a baby was her idea of…

Time to learn to make some more complicated dishes that include saucepans and other utensils!

I assume it’s because men have prostitutes and that’s where they do most of their crying.

The mirror, mirror on the wall, as best I can figure.

My takeaway from this is: Do not marry a widower.

My mom had me very young, divorced my dad, remarried, re-divorced, dated, then married the father of my siblings. My step-dad passed away about five years ago after they’d been married for twenty years. It’s funny seeing how my sisters (who are young adults) react to mom’s dating. Their whole lives she had been…

I’m in my 40’s, have an IUD and would likely have to go through extensive fertility treatments if I wanted to conceive and I STILL freak out every time my period is five minutes late. I’m not sure why she doesn’t have empathy for other women, but I’d guess she thinks God wants all the babies so he can rapture them or…

1. I was eight when I started needing a training bra. I grew up out in the country with a bunch of male cousins (my only girl cousin was too girly for me) and it wasn’t unusual to throw all the kids in the bathtub together. This particular time I was bathing with my 4 year old cousin who noticed I was different and…

Come to Florida. The water is warm and the mullets are plentiful.

Photographing mullets is my favorite use of disposable cameras left on the tables at wedding receptions. I wouldn’t go so far as saying this is like finding a unicorn. More like finding “Maybe Tonight” in a bowl of candy hearts.

I came here to say this. I am totally unconcerned with the rat tail. The neck pubes are what’s dampening any desire I might otherwise have experienced. ( P.S. Please leave Funyuns out of this. They are delicious.)

I did too. My brain wouldn’t accept it as typed. I’m going to attribute that to my heightened emotional intelligence.