“So which American player is going to stick their foot in their mouth next?”, asks Rex Ryan with palpitating anticipation.

“With all the respect for Timmy, I feel it’s not if you’re half American or full-American. It’s more what you have in here [taps his chest].”

And sometimes with one another.

That quacks me up.

Reminds me of the last fight I got in. This guy at a bar was looking at me. So I said, “What the fuck you looking at asshole?” He looks at me and says, “Nothing.” I stood up. “Damn right, you better not be.” This guy had no business fucking with a guy like me, so I said, “ You have no business fucking with a guy like…

Mallards never duck a fight.

Well, with all the injuries he’s had, he’s certainly not running away from basketball.

What are you talking about? Lebron played with Delonte West for 3 years! (I’m sorry, I had to do it)

Chris Andersen = Just White Right.

Take=Hot Karl

(Cums)

I bet I could keep it standing for a good minute just by running.

I’m allowed to read “fuck,” “shit,” and “cocksucker” in any given article on Deadspin. I can read about an NFL security guard masturbating near a line of cheerleaders. I can watch a video of a guy eating a girl’s asshole in a Buffalo parking lot, and watch while a lady gives a man head in the bleachers of FedEx field.

If he doesn’t clean up his act soon, he’s flirting with a multi-game suspension.

If he did get parole one of the conditions would be that he take all future drinks in a sippy cup.

2016 won’t let us keep anything nice.

Yeah or your own dick?

I love this team. Very psyched for them to get crushed in the conference finals!

Who did they think they were getting when they hired him?

While I sometimes refer to the team as ‘us,’ the Colts aren’t my girlfriend.