I Florida tuck - no shirt at all, handcuffs in the back. Plus meth.

I refuse to learn what a Vanderpump is. I know the word exists, and this is and always will be the extent of my knowledge.

Watching Jesus Christ, Superstar, as a young and impressionable child has given me a high level of contempt for versions of Christ’s life not set in the 1970s and featuring Carl Anderson and his cleavage. (Pictured: what Bible stories should look like, according to me)

You’ll be fine! Just plan and prep. I have no idea, I’m a gay man who adopted a child...but I’m on your side!

Robert Pattinson and Emma Watson might be a couple, and I, an expert, think they’re a bad match.

This is not going to win an oscar, come on lol

This. I think Graham did stand up (something Fallon never did beyond Boston accent impressions) before he got famous. That experience and his original wit help. Plus he picks guests who have a chemistry with each other you wouldn’t have otherwise realized.

My vote goes to Amanda Werner for trolling the Equifax Senate hearing dressed as the Monopoly dude.

Patty Jenkins, for teaching me how much representation really does matter:

But thats what she’s saying! Why is everyone being a complete dense idiot about this? She said it was a great year for her thanks to her fans. I had a great year thanks to my kids and coworkers. I will not apologize for being grateful while the world melts around us.

I don’t know who is shaking things up at truTV recently, but this, Andrea Savage’s “I’m Sorry” and The Chris Gethard Show are my favorite things on television right now. It almost makes it worth it to watch commercials for Impractical Jokers and The Carbonaro Effect. But not actually, so I DVR these and then skip…

Amy Sedaris is literally the only celebrity in the entire free world that I would like to be friends with. No one else could possibly be as much fun.

Well then, Happy Holidays! http://www.trutv.com/full-episodes/at-home-with-amy-sedaris/index.html

Amy did this on Chelsea Handler’s show in 2008. Way more hysterically gruesome in this instance. Glad she’s bringing it back! (skip to 1:45)

The amount of surgery she’s had on her face and the fact that she still somehow looks like a believable human amazes me to no end. People I know IRL with that kind of work done are like... hard to look at levels of fake looking. Celebrities made me want to get work done, seeing the quality of work the plastic surgeons…

Jezebel’s Lord and Saviour Beyoncé rented out a movie theatre for a private screening of Woody Allen’s new film, I wonder when we’ll get a snarky post from the writers about that....

In that case I wish Jessica Biel would direct him to shut the fuck up forever

Yeah, but no JT. Maybe, when going for an I’msodownwiththeladies vibe, you could avoid using the word bitch in a way that implies weakness and being a second-class citizen. Or, like maybe just avoid using the word bitch altogether, and just say something straight-up nice like, “Jessica is a super talented actress, and…

Man, he sounds like a tool every time he speaks.