Eskimo: [kills seal with spear]

"I am the definition of smug. Go ahead. Look it up. I know you have no idea what that word means. You probably think it's a fucking dragon, but no. It's me, it is all me motherfuckers."

To: RZook@GBC.net

Well, you just knew that the nation of Haiti's luck would run out at some point.

We're a persecuted minority that have been called members of a violent cult of death. Despised by the media and viewed with suspicion because of the terrible and barbaric behavior of a few extremists among us. Evangelical Christians hate us because of recent actions we've taken against one of their own.

If it makes you feel any better Carolyn, you are not the only girlfriend to be deeply hurt by having relations with an NBA big man.

"It was great!"

Seriously, how did she not know?

Deeply hurt, yes.

Create Your Own Hot Dog Challenge is still better than Create Your Own Bobblehead Night, which is apparently very popular in Brazilian soccer.

I guess Armstrong figures the closest thing to being in the Tour again is hoping to get his ass eaten out along the route.

First responders said the cameraman looked to have suffered horrible, life-threatening injuries, but he was just tired.

Once again, a boring soccer game ends in a 1-1 tie. Not sure why they didn't have a shootout to decide it, though.

Look at Hernandez's eyes. It's pretty obvious what's going on here. Skynet sent him back in time to terminate everyone on the East Coast.

Police are now investigating Hernandez for his connections to the 1997 murder of Biggie Smalls.

Massachusetts state police just issued another alert, simply asking "Where the fuck is Wallace?"

"Eating ass? Impossible without doping. Because it's a test of endurance where oxygen is decisive."

This will inspire Nats fans to read Fahrenheit 451 in the stands.

That's amazing. If you watch the video in slow-motion, you can actually pinpoint the exact moment when 200 million Americans wondered when football season starts.

This is the kind of story I like to see on Deadspin, which is a sports website owned by Gawker Media and was launched in September 2005.