Integrity, presumably.

Well, we’re not real people, so it’s not a big deal if we’re severely injured or killed by pregnancy/delivery. In fact, doing so is probably a sign that we’re sinful in some way, so good riddance.

I’m sure there’s a already a script in the works.

No, that seems to be the general consensus.

Don’t worry, it’s what they do every time.

I’m sure he will, he’s just going to have his lawyer do it for him.

She never thought the leopards would eat HER face.

Impregnating them is a-okay, though.

Nothing says “I’m the manliest man who ever manned” like sitting around in your undies like a gigantic baby.

Because we all know burglars always ring the doorbell to warn you that they’re coming in, apparently.

No, Pelosi is defending the inevitable decision to keep squatting in her congressional seat indefinitely once her own mind starts going.