Or don't have them. Another option at least.

Kids are terrible. That’s awful advice.

I might be focusing on the wrong thing within the article, but 1.) I was not aware that Lenny and Steven had a super close friendship, and 2.) Even if they were best of friends, do dudes routinely show each other their penises and/or penis piercings? I’m curious.

It was a pretty nice dick, tbh. But I like looking at penises.

THIS. I judged people who didn’t do this.

...and I grew up to be a graphic designer. Oops.

Speaking as someone who always — always — has at a silver metallic Sharpie (bessssst) in her bag and a stash of them on her desk*, I can relate to this.

I had the fancy black notepad paper you could use with gel pens, it was the best.

My favourite pen though was the rainbow one that changed colours as you wrote. Or sometimes it didn’t work to well and it just came out grey. WHATEVER GEL PENS WERE THE BOMB.

I realized halfway through the post I was risking your wrath adulto, my apologies. That’s also why at the end, like most olds, I started yelling for no reason.

With twins, of course!

80 and Pregnant! Could it be? Shocking details inside!

Wow, I thought as she neared menopausal age the tabloids would finally lay off the non-stop pregnancy covers. Can’t believe I didn’t think about adoption.

JENNIFER ANISTON BABY STORIES WILL LAST FOREVER!

A friend was stuck in this yesterday and said it was a frigging nightmare. But she wasn’t dead because of it, so felt like she was ahead of the game.

Look, Clover, I just think I’d make a really, really great Dorothy, and it’s not cool of you to share our private correspondence like that.

Still tho...

LOLWUT?!?! Why were they asking you?!?! I don’t understand! DOES NOT COMPUTE!

UpscaleTabby usually starts her day by knocking everything off the nightstand into my face. This is her way of saying “feed me, hairless ape”. Is opening up a can of Fancy Feast something?

I tried running in the mornings. You know what happened? I ran slowly, felt like shit, and then fell asleep in front of my computer at 2pm after eating all the chocolate out of the vending machine. Exercise in the morning is for psychopaths. (I am slightly joking about the psychopath thing, but mornings and I are not…

I say this with complete seriousness, go fuck yourself. Eloise took time out to share her routine with us (on a website that is FOR that by the way) and you want to be an asshole. Step the fuck off.

Wow, that's a lot of products!

I was driving in Pittsburgh with my NJ friend and her parents when we hit a flashing red light and her entire family lost it. They said things like “no one knows what that is! Why would the city have those!” So basically, YOU don’t remember what it is and you’re angry that it makes you confront the fact that you’re a…