That is... a really intense imagination you have.

Lots of people legitimately electronically masturbate when they utilize their favorite friends. But if you think of electronics as like, a toaster oven, yah, very perilous. (Shivers) I just imagined it.

He could have done something more tasteful like my man Alex Minsky in my profile pic. He's LOOKING where I want to be looking, but there are no flashing signs pointing to it. Although, you can find stuff like that if you Google correctly.

Lol, I can't look because I'm at work right now and currently on a VPN with restrictions. And my dirty smut doesn't have fingers pointing to where I should be reading to get to the good stuff. And yah, "yes, naked men. Yes." Stand by my finisher.

Can't look at the other pics but I feel that his, while he has a fantastic stomach and good body, is sort of unnecessary. Not the nudity. Not the sock encased penis. Not the tattoos close to his genitalia. But the facial expression and finger pointing. Ummm... I don't need a road map or a sign, I am well aware where…

Same. I love because he just sounds completely insane. Hate because he completely believes every bullshit line that comes out of his mouth, even if one negates the other or what he has already done. As an aside: I love the term Electronic Masturbation and completely 100% agree. Except, I love to masturbate and selfies…

Thank you! Seriously, every time the media reports on something and everyone is all, "OH MY GOSH, WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?" I want to say, "Nothing. It is coming to nothing. This stuff has ALWAYS happened it is just now being reported on all over the world over and over again." Also, a friend who works for my…

LOL, I think it's because there are a-lot of people who won't just say what they're doing. You know, euphemisms and stuff. They just assume that someone saying "making out" is actually saying, "I was riding his pony". I know a lot of people who do that so it makes sense to me. However, my own track record is to…

No, I asked her, and she was like, "Well I just assumed making out meant messing around and messing around meant sex." And I was like, "Noooooo, making out means making out, messing around means hands under clothes and maybe tongues on body parts, and sex means sex." At least for me. I would love to star in an 80s…

I was once telling a story about making out with someone, and the person I was telling it too automatically substituted "making out with" with "having sex with". It was confusing when she asked me if I used protection. Ummm... a tongue condom?

I'm irrationally happy about this story. I don't know why. Maybe it's the way you describe him sucking in the breath through his teeth as he girds himself for your reaction and his own reaction to the retelling. Or the brotherly, "Good job, bro!" ass slap at the end. Either way, I'm glad you went on a date with him,…

Thank you! I will look into these! I have always thought that champagne tasted awful as well, but was at a wedding two weeks ago and had the most delicious champagne of ever. So maybe there's hope!

I hadn't seen this story before and was like, "I have a hard time staying awake on rocking transportation too!" And then I read the article. And watched the video. And realized drugs were involved. It's pathetic how easy it is for people who shouldn't have kids to have kids. Unless you get the help you need to be a…

I find myself thinking all white wines taste like cheap chardonnay. But I just don't have a fantastic wine palette I guess.

OK, I just had a HORRENDOUS makeout on Saturday night, and I LOVE to makeout. Where was this when I needed it? Shoot. Needed? Need! For reals. I know some people have different kissing styles that just don't mesh. But c'mon. Learn how to not kiss like a wide-mouth bass with a huge underwater eel slithering out.

See, genuine. That is awesome.

I was JUST coming here to comment something similar! Is it just me or does Jimmy seem like a pretty genuine guy? I know it's Hollywood and whatever, and probably finding a legitimately genuine person is like finding a liberal in Arizona (WAIT! I FOUND ME! but I digress...) But seriously, everything I see of him makes…

Thank you for this morning laugh. I am 26 and only recently learned the grower vs shower situation. I like to throw it out there when discussing penises. It's just catchy.

I rewatched and it wasn't pipelayer! It was pressure!

Wasn't that pipe layer? I'm pretty sure it was. I remember thinking, "That's probably my favorite, right there" when he was doing his thing. Satisfaktion just didn't do it for me. Either way, this is about to be my Facebook status.