you are a terrible person.

What are the odds he takes a shortcut and becomes a policeman?

“She did have the high cheekbones.”

Roberto Cemente

Sources tell us that Labaton Sucharow has reached out to former ESPN employees in an attempt to gather information that could be used in a potential class-action suit against Disney.

Come for the Schadenfreude, stay for the Hedberg.

“I was walking by a dry cleaner at 3 a.m., and it said, ‘Sorry, we’re closed.’ You don’t have to be sorry. It’s 3 a.m., and you’re a dry cleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I’m not gonna walk by at 10 a.m. and say ‘Hey, I walked by at 3, you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology.…

Kevin Durant is a sneaky-bad teammate and the Warriors will implode this year due to terrible team chemistry.

I believe Derek Jeter’s running catch and leap into the stands vs the Red Sox was totally overrated and not that great

What about those of us that aren’t LGBTQ or Euro?

Fun fact about the Deadspin staff: It is a colonial organism made up of many super super small things called morons.

Oh great, jellyfish have learned how to post internet comments.

“I didn’t put it in front of winning, but I think we all have things that we have to do. There has to be a line somewhere, and that’s what ended up happening.”

I totally understand where the Thunder are coming from on this one. The longer they keep me waiting, the less money I give waiters.

I feel really bad that “neighbors backyard” probably isn’t gonna make the final 53. Had some great receptions in camp.

I found the part of his statement where he talked about all the social justice organizations he tried out for in high school, but was cut from, to be uncomfortably long and bitter.

I think part of the donation was confusion when Jordan called his finance guy and said, “Hey, put a million on Black for me...thanks”

For real? I understand the stigma behind that compliment, but can we not say anything nice about a thoughtful and well written statement from a college student without offending someone?

“We understood their one-dimensional offense. We successfully gameplanned for it. If you want to celebrate them despite their terrible offensive performance, than do so, but we declare that we figured out their offense and effectively stopped it.”

Which they did, but then the defense scored three touchdowns and the…

I’m not sure it was really necessary to refer to the Cuban-born Sabates as a “minority” in this racist headline.