I feel like the Hold was invented solely so that middle relievers could contribute stats to fantasy baseball lineups.

INTERVIEWER: Michael, you've really taken a shining to golf in retirement. Would I be correct in assuming that we'll be seeing you a lot out on the golf course?

Yeah, and I got ticketed for speeding when the three cars ahead of me were going even faster.

The NCAA does not think it is a court of law. They are exercising the power that they have.

If they are not 0-5 after that game, I will throw my car keys into a river.

Doctor: Jose, we're rushing you into surgery right now. We can save your finger.

Hood to English translator: Ty Lawson recalled a hilarious event during a basketball game when a fan exclaimed that JaVale was on a television segment that highlights follies and other nonsensical hi-jinks. JaVale promptly replied by saying, "I am working hard to earn a living."

everyone knows when you get the star that it only last about 8 seconds.

It was fun, quirky and very popular, but come now. It wasn't even the best Marvel movie of the year.

Slaves were the only people who ever rang a dinner bell?

Well, if he wants to prove them wrong, he can always [THIS MESSAGE HAS BEEN EDITED BY AN OVERWHELMING REALIZATION THAT IT COULD ONLY END POORLY]

A thinking man's race joke, that one.

You know, they might have a point.

I just didn't know it was possible to be that insulated from the dominant religion in our country. That's all.

Well said. But you know this is Deadspin, right?

You've never head "King of Kings" as a title for Jesus, Tom?

I can't believe I picked corduroy skin back then. That was a poor take.

I definitely had deja vu reading that and knew it had been asked before. MAGARYGATE HAS BEGUN

Fortunately internet comment sections are famously forgiving. I think you guys are in the clear.

Somewhere, Jason Whitlock is sleeping contentedly on a leather couch.