Nah mate, you knew what he meant. You just wanted to be a trolling asshole. That is very clear.

Average calories for bagel & cream cheese = 436

I throw a scoop of this in my morning protein shake. That and the 3oz of raw baby spinach I eat a day, I’m getting lots of insoluble fiber.

Trendy place, your party was late, you wanted to stay longer than you should have...yeah I would have been annoyed if I was the server too.  

When is Carly Rae Jepsen going to pull a Beyonce and release her next album without warning? (minus Cut to the Feeling)

This week on The Salty Waitress:

... , exclusivity sucks.

Dude in my old office used to do this in the back right corner of the handicapped stall. He didn’t pick his up, though, and always left a neatly folded triangular pyramid of paper on top. This always threw me off because the bottom paper was a wreck, then there’s the shit, of course, and then this meticulously folded…

A man bun is a tonsorial condition. Calling it a choice is classic victim blaming.

A man bun would be a tonsorial choice, not a sartorial choice. I just learned this recently.

Lemme check my notes: so you have to stand for the anthem out of respect, but it’s cool to mock Vietnam vets for being POWs.

For me, as someone who worked as a chef for 10 yrs, I certainly try to season the food properly. The only thing that got my goat was people seasoning the food before they even tried it. If you try it and you think it needs more salt, pepper, [inset condiment of choice], then by all means go at it. Just give it a try…

Because people are idiots and bottled water manufacturers like to sell their product.

Because we’ve reached a point where someone who doesn’t like something you do like has to be wrong, for some reason.

If I had a friend for 55 years I would give whatever eulogy I felt like and who cares if a bunch of strangers didn’t understand.

Save it for your podcast bud.

Well the initial critical reaction to Last Jedi was also positive, followed by months of every dong with a keyboard and a movie ticket whining, “but moooommmm, my Star Wars isn’t about gas gauges, no one cares about my Snoke fan theories, and these character arcs don’t fit in my narrow box of what they should be!”

You’ve been double-scammed, my friend.

I ordered these before. They are terrible.

I ordered these before. They are terrible.

Not as good as a Waterpik, which itself is not as good as actually flossing.

Not as good as a Waterpik, which itself is not as good as actually flossing.