People faking pregnancies is the worst April Fool’s joke. It’s so mean.

The We Rate Dogs one made me happy.

Jesus, what an asshole thing to do a kid. It’s like that old Jack Handey bit about promising a kid a trip to Disneyland, driving them to an burned out warehouse and saying, “I guess Disneyland burned down!”

I have an uncle who was born just before midnight, March 31. My grandma swears she told the doctor if he was born on April 1 she wouldn’t pay him.

I called my mom from a friend’s house post-sleepover (pre-cellphones). She asked where I was and I said, “um well I’m in jail, we got arrested last night.” I waited a few beats for her to scoff and say, no really, where are you? But the joke was on me because she just sighed and said, “Oh molarplexus, what is it you…

Also he said it on the 31st. If you try to do April Fool’s early, you are just lying.

George Takei’s was pretty mean.

I missed the dick too, but for a different reason- I only half-watch the scenes with Nicole and Skarsgard because it’s just so depressing.

I saw her hand on it initially and then the scene immediately ramped up, so never saw it again!

Me too! This whole article I’ve been like, “How did I miss the big fake dick?!?!”

I blame Alicia entirely for getting herself into this. Nobody actually gives a shit whether she wears makeup or not—she’s the one who made it a whole fucking thing and curiously also started almost exclusively wearing headwraps as if those two thing somehow go together.

I kind of don’t care, but I do think it’s frustrating for someone to make a huge deal out of not wearing any make-up but then wear “some” anyway. Why the “some”? And why not just say you are wearing some? Because if the point is to encourage ladies to feel comfortable being make-up free, and you aren’t comfortable…

Uh, yeah, I am also #TeamAdam on this one.

It’s true, but it’s also true that she said she stopped wearing makeup because of the unrealistic expectations for appearance that women face, so wearing makeup and pretending you aren’t wearing makeup is just as bad as photoshop and crazy contouring in terms of setting up unreasonable expectations for how women…

Diana to accept such an impressive suitor

My favorite is, “What are you?” Like, what the fuck man? What do you mean ‘what am I’?

I’ve started to turn it around on them and ask sweetly: “where do you think I’m from?” You’d be surprised how nervous people get when they have to guess what kind of wrong you are.

Along with the you speak good English crap is this question. Where are you from???? Then the follow up, no really, where are you from.

Dude. You just heard a woman talk about how she was mentally preparing herself to be raped by three men. And that she was focusing on how her sister would heal after finding her dead body and this is what you come out of it with? The fuck is wrong with you? Have like, a semblance of empathy. Ever.

They would have fired her a long time ago, but her string broke off so they had to remove her the hard way.