It’s too fast for me to put my pants on

At first it kind of makes sense but then you have to realize that parents with high IQ’s can be shitty parents too, perhaps even shittier

Your chariot awaits!

I look forward with relish the video of him getting beat up while shouting DUDE IT’S A PRANK

So what you’re saying is this is the one time I should look in the greys?

The answer is none. None food is appropriate to eat on the subway because invariably you’ll encounter someone who doesn’t cover their mouth to sneeze or cough or quarters will be so tight that someone’s dirty jacket will brush against your ice cream cone.

I’d say they won’t be waiting long for him to keel over from Cirrhosis after all the Jaegermeisters he’s downed over the years but he’s been going strong for years plus snorting every drug concoction ever conceived so I dunno! Maybe he’s doomed to live to the ripe old age of 100, doing fetish comedy in Mongolia or…

I’ve thought about it for a long time and I’m pretty confident that this is the most likely scenario. Like what else could they be talking about in terms of privacy if a bathroom stall isn’t enough?

That always gets me. Like maybe they think it’s a urinal situation in the women’s bathroom and there’s only a piece of wood in between for privacy? But then that would mean that they’re so stupid to understand that urinals are a male bathroom thing and that women’s bathrooms have individual bathroom stalls.

Already done. It’s called PF Changs.

Well of course it’s gonna sound worse when you put it THAT way

I just say “I’m gonna be hanging out at Barnes & Noble for a bit; text me when you’re ready.”

To his credit, at least he didn’t start with something like “My name is NAME and I’m here to say that I’m going to be doing things in a different way”

Whaaaaaat when did I say I wanted to take your freedom of speech away?

Well you can be wrong in that too and that’s okay!

Well you’re wrong and that’s okay.

Subway CARS? DUUUH?

Yeah a friend wants to know too!

PROTIP; The moment the planes front wheels touchdown, jump out of your seat and grab your stuff from the overhead bins and THEN stand stupidly for 10 minutes!