Any chain that consistently employs the most obvious stoners (80s movie style) in the world can’t be all bad. Thanks for all the double sour creams Taco John’s, I know you forgot you already put one in the bag!

I’m with you there on Taco John’s...I want to enjoy Nacho Navidad season guilt free.

I didn’t know about Jimmy John’s until now.

“Starbucks appears to be striving for a lukewarm medium”

You wear a disguise to look like human guys,

I think Kellam is in the game, too.

“The Canonization of the Yuuzhan Vong”

This one and the Best Mates dance are the only ones I care about, honestly.

None Of These Are Good would also be an excellent name. 

Obvious troll is obvious...

Fox at the Hen house? That always goes well.

I demand enough historical inaccuracy to play as Oddjob!

When I saw this....

Steam: Rails to Riches and Eight-Minute Empire. He’s having some difficulties with Valve right now, but is hoping that might change soon.

When asked why he was kicking the swans, Mantella replied “It’s my cygneture move.”

I only understand, like, 1/3 of this. But unless I’m mistaken the general gist is that you’re on board with swan kicking too, right?

I get that swans are majestic and beautiful and blah, blah, blah...but they are also almost as big of an asshole as geese, which are notorious for being the biggest jerks in the animal kingdom. I’m not saying that I support kicking swans in the head for karate practice, but I am saying that I bet those swans have done…

“It was an incredible machine—one of the fastest and most ever built.”

So help me god, I will turn this car around.

How about now?