It is the largest upset in Women’s World Cup history, going by FIFA ranking.

That trumps my “Who Shot? JR.” headline.

I bet you got the “Most Grit” award for your shithole rec team.

Starred because you’re obviously a real man.

Well hello, Mr. Kraft.

Putting up a banner for being better than the Texans, Titans, and Jaguars is arguably more embarrassing than putting one up for getting to the conference championship game.

All those swimming trophies my mom has displayed so proudly all these years suddenly seem to shine a little less brightly today. Thanks a lot, internet. You ruin everything.

This, right here, is why Jalopnik will always be great, no matter how much the editors, Gawker Media, or Nick Denton himself might try to fuck it up.

Patina, don't restore!

In that case, the moment you saw he was a douchebag you should have given him space to go in front of you.

It is cutting the line. Just because it’s not technically illegal, you’re still being an asshole.

Texting and driving is terrible, but if I’m skipping some songs on Spotify at a light I shouldn’t get yelled at by some dick on a bike.

I only know of California University of Pennsylvania because of the first Key & Peele East-West Bowl.

How dare you denigrate handjobs like that.

Proving once again that horse racing doesn’t have many stars, just a bunch of “glue guys”.

Colin Cowherd thinks Kevin James is funny.

True dat. The only part of him that’s an asshole is the part that he chooses to project to millions of people during the majority of his waking hours.

I’m old school—and back in my day we would’ve found a lake in a drought just so we could drown Colin Cowherd.

Fuck Colin Cowherd.