Maybe you should stop dating beverages.

If an obnoxious self-indulgent twat climbs a tree to do yoga but doesn't take a picture to show the world...did it really happen?

He smoked a J;
Then took a P;
And somehow A
Had more than B.

To be fair, the student in question is Brandon Weeden.

He's a man! He's 40!

top celebrity chefs in the world, most definitely. Tilly and the kids have been on television for a long time in the UK. They just don't show the F Word in the US.

The Adolpho Birch is a broadleaved deciduous hardwood tree of the genus Betula. It is marked by an inability to adapt to its surroundings and tendency to not know which way the wind is blowing. The Adolpho Birch tends to be short-lived, especially when it can't absorb that Ray Rice is a wife-beating piece of shit.

Turnabout is fair play, so...

Bird: Don't get too close guys. I heard you can die from contact.

I'll give my kids a last name when they fucking earn a last name.

Mama Fieri's creamy clam paws with habanero mini-calzones

Don't worry, sir. A cop heard about this YMCA mix-up and is on his way to assist. He's bringing back-up.

"Here's to the security guards who maybe had a degree in another land. Here's to the manicurist who had to leave her family to come here, painting the nails, scrubbing the feet of strangers. Here's to the janitors who don't even fucking understand English yet work hard despite it all. Here's to the fast food…

"If that was not correct, then it was a mistake."

I am so thankful to have gotten the fuck out of high school before phones/cameras/social media became ubiquitous.

congrats on the best reply of the modern kinja era.

Most of the world runs because of a small fraction of people who make things and keep things running. The rest of us are reaping the benefits of their ingenuity and labour.

Hey, look! Ayn Rand has a Burner account!

That's funny. Red Klotz's Washington Generals aren't even the only generals out of Washington who have been consistently losing every thing since World War II.

Parents Night is dreadful. Last year I was singled out by a teacher in a room full of judgmental parents because my 3rd grader, for the "art show", drew a picture of a chicken giving a horse a hand-job. Seriously. I have the photo prove it if you provide me with an e-mail to send it. When I got home, I feared…