So you're geeked as hell about the World Cup, cranking out article after article about it, despite it costing billions of dollars that could have been better spent improving life for ordinary Brazilians.

Heck, free pizza is the whole reason I chose to be gay.

If you have to learn to protect children, you are a fucking monster. I have not one maternal bone in my body, but I'd step in front of a train for a child.

I suppose we could try reporting about breaking news through a free medium like smoke signals.

I'd imagine a Native American would be just about the worst person you could call to help you gain ground.

Following the incident, Colon was reportedly stuffed for days.

Serious question: are you getting that you being a self described terrible person is why you are lonely?

I have a prescription for sex toys: I have what's known as Congenital Genital Syndrome (CGS). Instead of being born like a barbie doll and engaging in normal stork-based reproduction, I was born with genitals and have to reproduce in a way that makes Jesus have a sadfase =(

(we've blurred out the girls' faces)

CHRIST, I would love to fuck Martha Stewart. Always wanted to. Always.

I will give him credit for this, though:

I guess my thought is that someone SHOULD be able to enjoy a stronger drink (rather than just a bigger one, thus more alcohol). If you're the bartender, shouldn't the response be "I'll have to charge you for a double, is that ok?"

Or getting pregnant because "it is what you do". Get married at 23, get pregnant at 25, pop a kid out without stopping to think if you even want a kid.

Your comment went right to the heart of my comment.

NFL won't suspend players for drunk driving, spouse abuse, and a whole host of other illegal things but pot...POT. NFL is so fucking regressive.

I didn't know you were a science nerd!