"Local Rite-Aid" is a euphemism for "boner", isn't it? I could get into that!
Also, I'm pretty sure you win the handle contest. :)

When I was a sophomore on my high school team — I never played during the varsity games — and we had this guy, Lester, who was like 90 years old, had been a janitor at our school for over 50 years before he retired, and was known around our town as the team's "#1 Fan" (he had the letter jacket to prove it, complete…

At least it was just a leak, and they didn't catch him on the sidelines taking a Husker doo.

Animal Husbandry major.

An unfortunate side-effect of having an attitude towards social policy which can be politely summed up as "I've got mine, jack", are accusations of heartlessness.

I went to a past life psychic, too! Peasant, peasant, peasant, peasant, peasant, peasant, peasant, peasant, priest, slave slave slave slave slave, peasant, peasant, peasant, peasant, peasant, gorilla, peasant, peasant, peasant, peasant, peasant, peasant, fisherman, carp carp carp carp carp carp carp carp carp,…

Not to be outdone, Planned Parenthood Pittsburgh tweeted out photos of aborted fetuses dressed in Steeler jerseys.

The key to enjoying Grantland is to just not read any of the movie/tv/music stuff. Zach Lowe does fantastic NBA work, Barnwell's pretty great with the NFL, etc. Just read the sports stuff and it's not a bad site.

I heard he pleaded up from 3-5, because 7-15 was something he thought he'd have an easier time handling.

Um, actually dude, I could name many colleges across the country where this would not happen and surprise, they would most likely not be in the South. I'm from the south too so please don't act like I don't know what I'm talking about. Are there decent non racist people in Misssippii who attend Ole Miss? Sure. Are…

I lived in Alabama for six years and I can assure you people still see color. Such a horrible place in so many ways.

The shirt may be Pizza Hut's, but the drunken accosting of random fans in public bathrooms suggests that this guy would be perfect at Papa John's.

Maybe you should cry about it.

Do you know what male bartenders call females who drink bourbon?

Portman toe ing?

randomly wandered into a Sears portrait studio

Sheed is one of the few coaches who can say he's in just as good a shape as he was when he played.

Haha what a wuss letting the crowd get to you!

Pittsburgh beat Dallas during the playoffs? Now there's a sentence you don't hear every decade...

Jesus, calm down. What's with Dallas and having your head explode?