Counterpoint: Good dog.

You’re renting your TV from a different Aaron.

Touch this fuckpad.

This is a slightly expansive reading of the word ”famous.”

I actually have more respect for a guy who steals from sick kids than a guy who goes to Power Rangers conventions.

It’s the “I Got Mine” school of politics. Unless there someone in her family struggling with it, she gives no fucks. It’s like a politician being against abortion or gay rights until someone in their family needs one or is one.

“Listen Chris, I’ll take the R, but seriously, you need to calm down, it’s just a game of horse.

Bugle Boy Polo Shirt isn’t a shirt for a dapper man, or a suave man, or a man who values his appearance. It’s a shirt for a man who has resigned himself to dad-dom, so much so that he goes on a nationally televised cooking program looking like a children’s mannequin from 1993 that was hit by Rich Moranis’ enlarging…

He’s tried to make me geaux to rehab
I won’t geaux, geaux, geaux.

The Clinton audible means the ball is going to the left.

Short-form Foodspin trailer

These are all from me.

In 2012, in Pemba Mozambique, I helped rescue a pangolin from the black market! (that’s me and him/her).

That’s a pretty optimistic injury outlook, ESPN.

Randy, I thought we agreed - no more shit talk ‘til we’re back in power.

Up until about, oh, ninety seconds ago I was a firm opponent of the death penalty.

The day Deadspin doesn’t run tabloid shit is the day we all quit and get jobs as brand consultants or baristas or whatever.

Wow, that’s fucked up. He made a mistake, sure, but he doesn’t deserve to have his basketballs ruined.

Boxing. That being said, if the right people are judging, dying mid-fight might not prevent me from winning.