Guiding rafts in the southeast I was asked more than once: “Hey? You got any bears on this river? At Dollywood they got bears, and they jump out at you.” (Also, at the takeout: “Is this where we started?”) It was astonishing the percentage of our guests who did not understand that it was an actual river, not a…

Good thing I wasn’t there dropping off a daughter, because I am now at the age of Gives No Fucks and would have marched right in to pinch some ears and shame those boys as they should have been. Where are their mamas? Come on ladies, do not let your sons pull this kind of shit.

Do Not Even get me started on this — when my brother died in an accident, my mother and her Catholic friends kept calling to make sure I’d had all the voodoo done in the correct order. Which I did, because even if I could see plain as day in that funeral home that he was no longer here, and that nothing we did was…

Oh lordy, where to start. First off — vloggers? Okay kids, you want to put your whole lives on line — icks me out, but I’m old. I’m also old enough that I don’t celebrate a baby until it’s actually here, on the ground, breathing. I’ve had to be the friend who clears the baby stuff out of the nursery when there’s no…

This whole thread is warming my elderly, feminist, never-depend-on-a-man heart. I have so many girlfriends who cut back after having kids, or quit altogether, and then had more kids and when I say “what if?” they just look at me like I’m being harsh and say, “oh that won’t happen.” We need younger women and men like…

The phrase “bone broth” makes me SO STABBY. Jeez oh pete people. It’s not new, it’s not trendy, it’s what your mother (or me) made every few months when the chicken carcasses cluttered up the freezer.

Oy. That Irish dance hair. There are days with the right humidity and just after I’ve washed it that my hair goes all Irish Dance. Which looks absurd on a woman of my advanced age ...

Start with bulghur or freekeh or farro — I do enough for the week on Sunday. Grains + greens + protein + cheese + nuts =happy afternoon.

No! That’s why rompers are ONLY FOR CHILDREN. ADORABLE CHILDREN like Riley Curry. What a doll ...

Two separate issues — you want to get married and build a life together. The dog is not a cosmic test.

I used a diaphragm all through my very slutty 20s and it was great — nonhormonal, the spermicide doubles as lube, and with a little practice, even a very drunk 20 something can get it in properly. (Getting it out when you have very short fingers can be a wee bit more ... acrobatic, but squatting in the shower helps.)…

I could have used this class — my bestie has 4 girls and I’m the Auntie-Who-Doesn’t-Do-Hair. I’ve had short hair my whole life — the hair thing is a deep pit of mystery for me.

Proof I live in the sticks — I had no idea what Seamless was.

Venison tenderloin (like elk and antelope and beef tenderloin) is naturally tender and delicious and should be cooked medium rare at most. Although, the antelope tenderloin carpaccio my hunting guide friend makes for Christmas eve is delicious, and its fun to freak out visitors as they watch the group of us eat…

We had one like that when I was little, but collapsible (it was very fancy, my mother LOVED fancy). So it had a kind of board that went on top over the baby for toddler me to ride on when I got tired, and I discovered that if I jiggled just right, I could make the whole thing collapse with my baby brother inside of…

So sweet. Thanks. That damn croquembouche went to three parties that Christmas. Everyone in town ate it ...

Here’s a piece I wrote several years back about the stupendous grief crocquembouche I built the first Christmas after my brother died: http://www.culinate.com/articles/first…

I live in Montana and it’s the same. OH MY GOD THEY”RE HERE. Driving bus-sized RVs and towing SUVs. No wonder we’re all going to die in a fireball of climate change hotness. Also. 100 degrees here today.

You have just described Mr. Porcupines favorite, go-to meal. But with gravy instead of tomato sauce.

I revenge fucked the boyfriend of a girl who was a bitch to me in college at another college friends’ wedding. On the couch, in a living room populate by sleeping college friends. “Sleeping.” Ugh. Not a moment I’m proud of. But he *was* gorgeous, and she *had* kicked him out of the bedroom for some infraction. Poor…