Right? That's why I hope the police are investigating it as though it's real.

Sorry, but this is way too specific and the tone is way too on point for me to buy this as a hoax.

Goddammit humanity, just when I thought you had reached your nadir.

I'm all kinds of sex positive. On this, imma go ahead and say "no". Just "no". Kthxbai.

I know, right? What if I have the flu, or I'm away on a business trip? Can I have one of my neighbors do it for me while I'm away, like watering the plants?

omg Justin Bieber is Miley Cyrus....IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!!!!!

12. Getting all snuggly in bed and realizing you left the hall light on.

this is a duh question. you're married, and you don't want to pop children out and stay at home like you should? what are you, some privileged bitch who thinks she's gonna go "work" all day or something? you just want to have sex with your husband and not even churn out child after child like a good…

I remember one of the most horrifying moments of my marriage is when my mother asked me to write her a letter about everything that was happening in my marriage, because at that point, things were quickly devolving. I had written about ten pages, and then my now-ex and I had a tearful night where he pledged he'd do…

I personally thought his response to those tweets was amazing. #Iplayclarinet

One of my bullies does this, it's super cute! My favorite, however, is when my male falls asleep on the armrest of the couch. He has figured out a way to fall asleep with butt on the armrest, balls in the air and hind legs standing up. His front end stays on the cushion. It's so cute-weird.

I went to bed last night hoping #NODISRESPECTTOBENAFFLECK would be in the top worldwide trends this morning.

I wish I could ban this gif from the internet. HISSSSSSSSS, AWAY WITH YOU, CREEPY BABY HEAD. HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

High five your boyfriend for me, please.

Last election a dude was hanging out by the polling place with big, graphic, bloody anti-abortion signs and harassing passers by on their way to/from voting. When we walked past, he yelled, "do you think killing babies is okay?" My bf just looked at him and said, "Yes." And we walked away.

This is insulting to Chinese food, people learning to read, books with lots of pages, Amazon, and people who shave anywhere on their bodies.

I guess nobody every gave her this book.

"if a man comes home and there's no dinner on the table, and his wife is on the phone, watching TV, or on the computer ignoring him, he won't feel respected."

Don't forget about Isabella or Isabelle. Gods, enough with that name already.

Other names I have seen in my Facebook feed:
Kaytee
McKayleigh
Lilleigh

Fucking kill meigh.

I think people associate the -a with feminine names. I know so many people who've named their kids: Sophia, Emma, Olivia, Ava, Isabella, Bella, Lucia, Louisa, Vanessa, Briana, Gabriela... The list goes on and on. Think of a name, add an a and voila it's gold. Voila—there's a good one if anyone wants to claim it…