A childhood friend of mine got married last spring and I made the trip back to my old stomping grounds for it. The wedding had 800 guests, and everyone kept referring to it as a "small" wedding. She's Sikh, and I guess her sisters' weddings (which took place in India) were closer to what the family considered…

Just what is going on in that photo?

Or, kids are weird and do weird shit like flop around on a sofa while their parents are busy talking, and the parents don't see it before the photographer does because they're busy talking to the president.

It's no Clinton Meets Kennedy, but such is the state of our world.

but what if your 30th cousin is a doctor?

Loving the "suction-cup-that-my-loofah-hangs-on-in-the-shower" grommets.

When was the last time you were upset and someone dismissed your emotions by saying "Oh, he probably just needs to poop."

Right? She is like the most passive aggressive bitch in the world! I was willing to shrug off all the kissing and telling, because basically any songwriter does that to some extent, but this is just beyond. Grow some balls, Tay, and settle your scores in person.

you would not believe how much I hate conflict.

But was the motorcycle on? None of the sources say. If I was going to make love to myself on a motorcycle, I would definitely turn it on for vibration purposes. I would also make sure I was wearing a helmet, because you can never be too careful.

This headline is so misleading. She wasn't making love to a motorcycle, she was making love to her fingers on a motorcycle. Apples and dildos, Mark.

Sorry not sorry, but my tits would look AMAZING IN THIS DRESS. Do want.

so here is the final list: uzo aduba, mae whitman, aisha tyler, jessica williams. sounds like a winner to me.

A lot of people confuse "southern accent" with the "redneck" accent (sorry, don't know how else to describe it). That accent spans the country but for some reason is associated with the south most often. David Cross explains it really well in the first minute or so here:

Emphasis on syllables is a huge giveaway. I remember on a Doctor Who episode a British actress was supposed to be playing an American, and she was doing fine until she had to pronounce "Halloween mask," as a question. The line was "Is that a Halloween mask?"

"Felony drug possession" really, really shouldn't be a thing.

I'm from DE, a state with maybe 25 people in it, so I know Joe personally, and he is just as dope IRL.

I know my nose looks very different from one side versus the other because of the way my ridge is angled. I don't actually do anything about it, but I get why people pick a side. Maybe there's a subtle difference you're not fully aware of?

My sentiments exactly, my friend. Let's all just drink a little bleach martini and try to make the memory go away, shall we?

i am not opposed to ingesting semen, i've had my fair share in my adult life.