I have to explain to her that it’s not alchemy or magic that transmutes peppercorns into pepper

I hope your asshole writes a bestseller countering all of your dick’s accusations, and that the two of them become embroiled in a decades-long media feud.

My dad taught us to try everything with logic. “If you’re hungry then you’ll eat it. If you don’t eat it, then you’re not that hungry.”

Damn right. My grandmother would not put up with this bullshit. If one of us kids acted a fool at the table, we got told to leave it. Her philosophy was “they’ll eat when they’re hungry enough.” No special dishes, no special way it's made. You eat what she cooked or go to bed hungry.

Kids should be required to at least try anything before they reject it because “it looks funny,” though. I don’t agree with making kids eat everything they hate, but they damn sure shouldn’t get to sit in their plain-hamburgers-with-ketchup-and-maybe-plain-cheese-pizza comfort zone all the time (I’M LOOKING AT YOU, MY…

My mom is a transplanted Midwestern lady living in a small island town in south Texas. There are a lot of great stories I could tell about her (she was briefly Mormon because the only church within walking distance of her family’s farm was a Mormon temple and then she got a scholarship to BYU and, as she likes to tell…

If your mom is no longer with us and you would like tissues, support, and/or kitten gifs, this is the thread for you.

pretty sure there is a sign about putting your stuff on the seats, though it may be too subtle for the above mouthbreathers to fully grasp.

exactly. if any of my clients leave the program they go straight to jail. seriously. that’s the line.
she, however, can get a dozen DUIs and get caught with drugs and stealing and missing court appearances - and it seems we just wave it off.
but what’s more upsetting is that she clearly has some underlying mental health…

“she’s certainly had enough time to tutor kids”

just do your god damn hours. fuck. it’s not that hard. i have clients who manage to do all their hours, got to all their AA/NA meetings, therapy appointments, finish school, and find jobs.
and no one gave them a million fucking chances (because they’re all poor foster kids or POC or anything else that isn’t a rich…

every single word in this piece is satirizing exactly the kind of piece people are reading it as. sarah miller, you genius

MILF Dalai Lama

I find it interesting that with all these girls putting together these The South 2015, brands or whatever, they’re always cutting out black people. As if black people don’t live in the south/ haven’t contributed greatly to southern culture in its current landscape. #sippintea

When I get my time machine running, I’m coming for you, 1985 James Spader.

I knew all about these teen tricks because I USED TO BE A TEEN.

The international breakfast is a half-waffle

I just figured since the restaurant was called Tokyo, and the fact that the sign said “Japanese and hibachi,” it would have clued these college girls in on the fact that this wasn’t a Chinese restaurant.

You’re the Real Racist™, Jia, for thinking racism is real.

Once I took my mother in so she could have a day surgery performed. We were sitting in that pre op room and she was sitting in a wheel chair. Unbeknownst to me they had already given her her pre surgery cocktail. The nurse came in and put this foil looking space bonnet on her head. We sat there in silence for a moment…