We need to arm the atmosphere. Edit: Oh, wait. Too late.

Oh, look, Arkansas has discovered the Internet.

Men's Warehouse is great. I like the way I look. It was guaranteed.

No worries. He disappeared in a pile of coke in 1993.

NICE.

We need to arm teenage girls.

Furthering the feminist cause one mean-spirited, bitchy article at a time, eh Jezebel?

I much preferred BOPS's maps.

You'll get over it eventually.

Why are begged questions so fallacious?

I fucking love Michael Dorn.

Holy balls.

FIAT SCIENTA!

The ship... safe?

My friend, you're in the wrong place if you'd like real journalism. Gawker sites are nice and all, but come now.

Dick did it better.

She sounds like a real "asshole."

Meh.

THE GODDAMNED ROBOTS JOHN!

You all realize he's being snarky, right? As in "not serious?"