I read that as Chris Hansen, and thought "But Polanski and Allen never show up at these things, anyway."

Or Chris Harrison.

Man, if the Oscars make you this mad, then I can't imagine how you feel about the pre-Oscar Red Carpet pageantry...

Cate Blanchett telling Julia Roberts to suck it made it all worth while.

You sound bitter.

That's the most accurate description of Ellen I've ever heard.

Ellen Degeneres is the comedy equivalent of elevator music. Was there ever a time she was funny?

Yum, that's some tasty Bass.

He was actually just a seat filler so they could give the impression they had a

Only seven foot tall clowns named Puddles should be allowed to perform this song.

Barely fuckin' touched him. Headbutt? No. Aggressive shoulder bump with a bit of a lean in? Yes.

"I saw the movie when I was visiting some broad in Atlanter"

No, it wasn't.

"Well done Mike. VERY WELL DONE!"

Francesa has never sounded more right than :46 -:48 seconds of this clip.

"That being said, 12 Beers With Slaves - that I did like."

The Kim Jung Un one killed me

YOU FUCKING TELL 'EM, AL DAVIS' NECROMANCER.

Says the guy wearing a hat with a fancyboy leather band.