Written to maximize comic horror. Laugh away!

I am a children’s librarian and I never read this to either of my kids when they were little. Fuck Cat in the Hat, and Fuck that little asshole boy who fucks over The Giving Tree too.

The Fish in The Cat in the Hat should be at the top of this list. I know, in the cartoon it is voiced by a guy but the book does not assign that fish a gender and I would argue it is the ultimate Lame Bitch.

We are set up to hate the fish, when all it does is point out that we don’t know that cat and he should not be…

It is weird — Suzy Parker was totally a celebrity in her time, much moreso than Gia in hers. Parker truly was a household name, while Gia Carangi really wasn’t. I mean she was on the cover of lots of magazines but your mom didn’t look at her picture and say ‘Wow that Gia is so pretty!’, at least not until they made a…

I feel like I have a bizarre superpower in that I alone among all the women on earth who bone men — I do not want to bone Jon Hamm. I watched all of Mad Men. I have seen him in suits. I have seen him all scruffy. He seems fine, and like a fun guy who enjoys being goofy. My underpants stay firmly in place and nice and…

Argh, Jean Seberg led an interesting life but couldn’t we please have a biopic about Elaine Brown, Kathleen Cleaver, Fredricka Newton, Charlotte Hill O’Neal, or any of the other fascinating women of the Black Panther Party first? And if it Hollywood feels like it has to be about an entertainer, could we please (pretty…

TSA approved dog carriers can just look like duffel bags. The pet can be pretty much hidden.

...or she didn’t pay the $125 to bring the dog on the plane, and she thought she could sneak it onboard and couldn’t think fast on her feet when they told her to put it in the overhead. Just floating another theory while we are playing ‘what were they thinking.’

the flight attendant was not aware that there was a dog in the bag

Plenty of important punk bands (especially from the ska end of the spectrum) were black.

THANK YOU. And don’t forget her trifling husband who is easily cowed in his own home by white authority, then turns around and is a tyrant to her. I really tried to like that movie but it was the stereotyping, not the fishman sex, that had my jaw on the floor.

Honest to god, at first I misread this headline and thought that they were bringing back this TV show only starring the folks from Parks and Recreation and I thought wow, that reboot thing really has gone to the bottom of the barrel.

WAIT WHAT WHY ARE YOU GRAY. We have been approving one another’s comments for a thousand years. What is even happening right now?

Okay but remember it really means dressing to accidentally-on-purpose show your boobs, not being disheveled and sexy. I goofed.

...and please just pretend I wrote ‘insouciant’ not ‘dishabille’ okay? I shouldn’t try to use fancy words from languages I don’t speak — I can admit that.

Wow, I am fascinated by how deeply I want to punch this movie in the face. And I am the target audience — middle aged white lady mom of a couple kids! From the minute that door opened to a wide-eyed ingenue who just wants to listen to me closely, hold my baby, and not fuck my husband or steal my xanax, I want to punch…

Are you sure it was half and half, not evaporated milk? Because MY traditional ancient family secret recipe for queso is definitely adding evaporated milk to the Ro-Tel.

I was a senior in high school when Heathers came out, so it was completely designed to appeal to me — and I fucking HATED it because for me it felt so cynical to package all of my anxiety and pain into a swallowable pill starring the adorable it-girl of the day and some douche with a bad case of the Jack Nicholsons. I…

Framing this victim/survivor kid as a ‘public figure’ and adult — thus alleviating any sense of decency in Info Wars follower morons — that is odious.

This is an excellent point.