The table in my company’s main conference room (used for board meetings, etc.) was bought at the bankruptcy sale of a porn production studio. I regularly recognize...sorry, I mean I’ve been told it was used in a number of popular productions.

Wait, kids get damaged if they’re in a place where people previously had sex? Be right back, gotta chase the kids of the couch, and the bed, and the bath, aw damn, gotta buy a whole new house. But then someone else probably had sex there too. Is there nowhere that's safe for the children?

“A Single guy, drunk, we can possibly overlook”

To be fair, has anyone named Crystal ever exceeded our expectations?

thank god. don't think I could handle that right now. Get better Joni!

I am mostly offended by the fact that is one of the weakest, dumbest "jokes" I have ever heard.

I hate April Fool's day. I also hate Valentine's Day, Arbor Day, Groundhog Day ( not the movie, that's a fucking masterpiece) and "Earth Hour." If you can turn off the lights on Big Ben for one goddamn hour then you can do it every night you hypocritical assholes. What do I like? Equality, justice, chinese food, and…

I'm an elementary school teacher and of all the days of the year that are annoying to be surrounded by the under 10 crowd, April Fools' Day is by the far the worst. I can only take "Teacher you have something on your face APRILFOOLS I GOT YOU SO GOOD!" so many more times before I just jump through a window and run…

This is a pretty accurate summary of my reaction:

For those who don't know who Trevor Noah is, a gift from his stand up. I say Comedy Central made a good choice here.

And let's hear it for the ladies who say they'll reject anything less than two carats in a platinum setting! Yes, I have known one or two who said this openly. Would you be surprised to hear they were single?

Yeah, but how much better are you than the people who are smug because they got bigger diamonds than other people?

I love that article. It's mind-blowing. What an artificial industry.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archi…

Imprisonment for life, regardless of age, should be the result of this. It's an act of terrorism.

The good thing about knives, they hardly ever 'go off'' accidentally like guns seem to do, every damn day.

A gun in the home is 22 times more likely to be used to kill or injure in a domestic homicide, suicide, or unintentional shooting than to be used in self-defense.

"...remains devastated over her niece's death."

"She RUINED my wedding! THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY SPECIAL DAY!"

"So it's one of those Puzzle & Dragon-style games"