If you repeatedly slapped me in the chest, I'd open a gate just to get rid of you.

Seriously, of the three you named, 9 was the best in terms of both graphics and gameplay. FF7 is a close second, and FF8... well hell, it had a draw system, a card game, and one of the dumbest, most nonsensical cop-out of a story plots ever.

Are people's lives so pathetic and empty that this is an issue? Getting married in a video game ?

I want to sidestep down that corridor firing a grenade launcher into each of those rooms. Is that wrong?

Seriously. What does he have, like, a penguin beak in there or something?

Has anyone shown this to Schreier so he can take off his pants and write a blog entry about it?

So he has a problem with boobs the size of his head... hmmm... that says he has mommy issues,(boobs=mommy, size of his head=stemming from childhood) and hates himself for desiring boobs, boobs he can no longer have because of siblings, he's to old to have the boob.

Yeah, I saw the story about it over on Destructoid, I think. The thing sold 120,000 copies in its first day. I can't imagine it not doing well over here.

Schreier's pants have just exploded with the shit of indignation, and he is now furiously writing an anti-sex manifesto, one-handed.

There are rumors they're considering localizing this for a digital release.

Jason Schreier saw how low cut those pants were and had an aneurysm. After doctors re-insert his eyes back in his skull, he will write a 15,000 page treatise on men's crotch areas. Expect hot words on this topic once his pants are dry.

Why not? The real President is doing that with his policies.

Jason Schreier is currently shitting himself over how short that girl's skirt is. Oh, and she's showing waaaaay too much arm. Expect a 7,000 word blog entry topped off by an insult to the artist and a call for an apology.

The general rule of thumb is that if Kotaku shits all over it, it's probably the best game of the year. If they crow about it, then you should stay away.

Just remember: if Kotaku hates it, it's a great game. If Kotaku endlessly gushes about it, then it's absolute shit.

Yes, it's amazing, despite what Kotaku says. Buy, play it, dig it.

Someone gets it! GOLD STAR!

You're not. You're getting Stewart's opinion. If you went through this article and swtiched out the name "Jon Stewart" for, say, "Rush Limbaugh", everyone who disagrees with Limbaugh would be having an absolute cow right now.

It shouldn't be, because A) it's not news, it's satire, and if people can't tell the difference then society has a huge problem, and B) it's so overwhelmingly biased you're not getting the whole story, just Jon Stewart's opinion on it.

A lot of people give themselves skin cancer in tanning beds. Doesn't mean it's a good idea.