I don’t know if the “roughly” translated German is terribly sad or outrageously funny. “Madame, you are a lesser character”, “Whatever you do, you are not allowed to jump on me any more”. I need T-shirts with these quotes on them.

“Madam, you are a lesser character...”

Devil salad is eaten. Everything is okay again.

If the guy is a lousy lay who’s done quickly, you sure CAN keep your hair that perfect!

Conspiracy theory: no actual affair. That hair is way too high and organized to be post-sex hair.

Oh man, but the best burn comes from the CEO:

My office has been working with the Audubon Society a bit on an upcoming lawsuit to protect native bird populations. They’re taking on a huge fight, including several government agencies, and they are being BAMFs about it. Hardly a sit-back and feel-good conservation group.

Ironically, Franzen does make an interesting point - though it’s not the one he probably intended. I work in conservation biology and have had a fair bit of contact with people working in the field, and one of the biggest unspoken about problems in the field is the disproportionate effect some parochial interests have…

Damn Kelly, you left out the sickest burn:

“Y’all don’t know what it’s like being male, middle-class and white” - Ben Folds

The good new is the student writer & editor have been offered jobs at the Boston Herald

B..but don’t you get it, Jia?

Drop the mic. You win the internet today.

What if we treated white men like this just for, like, an hour a year? So they know what it’s like.

White athletes beat up much classier wives.

Since when can you fuck your way through a vagina? Is his dick made of razorblades?

I guess “rough sex” is the “stand your ground” for sexual-related deaths.