I fuckin' love these columns.

Get out of my church.

As a guy who has never learned his lesson from anything and should rightfully have won a Darwin award three times over, I'll take this glove advice to heart.

Disclaimer about ghost peppers and capsaicin: along with not rubbing your eyes or something, I'd suggest washing your hands (after everything has been cleaned and gloves thrown out) like 5 times, and maybe add a milk wash to that. I didn't wash my hands enough after chopping some mere chipotle peppers up, and went to…

Albert, I like your posts in general, so this is absolutely not meant as a back-handed compliment — your tip about wearing gloves, based on my own personal experiences cutting up jalapenos (and they aren't even that hot), is the best tip you've given yet.

You're fucking insane.

This letter is 1,000,000 times better if you read it in the voice of Grandpa Simpson.

Why is the marijuana stuff in there? Are we really supposed to think that pot use—widespread or not—is a symptom of the broken NCAA model? What does telling us that some college "students" were smoking and/or selling weed do to effect change and shine a light on "the dirty game?"

Yeah, but everyone ignores that. You might as well call National Airport by that other name.

The history of baseball is essentially one of aficionados complaining that some new development has deprived the game of its meaning, and then coming, before long, to regard it as having always been part of a fixed, eternal order.

Marcuse posits that ketchup, as a physical manifestation of socialized customs of faux-sausage topping, reinforced archetypal mores handed down from the parapets of the industrial dominants. Only by refocusing working-class attitudes to commodification can society, as both an individual instance and communal body,…

The customer is not always right. Giving workers the authority to fire a difficult customer does wonders for workplace morale.

If I had my way, people who enjoy the taste of Mountain Dew would be deported to the fucking asteroid belt.

Cream Soda is indeed the best and everybody knows it. Yet, we live in a world where cream soda is not an option on ANY menu anywhere. Which...why!!!!?????

Absolutely ridiculous. Cherry cola over ginger ale and Dr. Pepper? I'm reporting you to Obama.

Ginger ale should be up a few spots, and orange and grape should be after being hit by a car. Otherwise, MUCH IMPROVED OVER PREVIOUS LISTS.

Myself and many of my friends are pretty level-headed about most things and are capable of having an intelligent conversation with fans of other sports teams. I sometimes even praise other teams that deserve it, Yankees included.

Haha, I think most people would trade Canada for Florida in a heartbeat.

#NeverForget

Forbes; Buzzfeed for rich people.