I had to dock Kevin for American cheese, because putting American cheese on a burger is like dipping your wings in ranch dressing - sure, tons of people do it, but it’s objectively the wrong decision and there are multiple better options at a similar price point and there’s just no excuse for it - and Gwen for…

Ranked:

Welp, now I’ve got drool on my shirt.  Sounds like it could use just a touch of acid - a squeeze of lemon, or a squirt of sriracha or something - but goddamn that sounds fantastic.

When cops arrived, they encountered a shirtless man sitting outside on a bench shoveling spaghetti into his mouth with his hands. 

Hmm, wonder if I can leverage this bullshit into support for Sanders from my conservative Masshole (R-dropping) in-laws... Look, the New Yawk Times is shitting on this guy, he can’t be all bad!

I went to college in DC (9/11 happened about two weeks into my freshman year). This abomination of “Look, throwing children in cages doesn’t mean that there aren’t good people on both sides of the aisle!” is absolutely being eagerly embraced by a certain well-to-do, raised to be professional segment of my generation.…

One of my favorite things to do occasionally is sub out the basil for roasted broccoli when I make pesto. But I will have to try this thing with the anchovies - many thanks!

Quite.

No. Trump’s hair is the most benign, least objectionable thing about him. Let’s not distract from the other stuff by breaking what should be our own good principles.

See, I take exactly the opposite lesson. If there’s one thing that unites all baseball fans, it’s the umpires. I’m OK with technology helping us determine if a homer was really a homer, but the tyranny of the men in black brings the whole world together. If we defeat them for all time, we’ll only have each other to…

She doesn’t seem like she’s got the brains for clerking tbh.

Much better is if you assume its disjointed non sequiturs and preposterous ramblings are the result of a chaotic collaborative process.

Carbonation doesn’t occur until it is bottled/kegged.

TIL:  “Red Octobers” are a ludicrously expensive product for sale in capitalist America.  Is the point that they help you outrun angry mobs even if you’re a flabby aristocrat?

My favorite was always the interrogation scene: Black Widow all tied up and incapacitated, dressing down Coulson over the phone... “Look, can you not interrupt me here? This idiot is telling me everything!” Brad Bird gave a slight nod in this direction in The Incredibles (“Oh, my goodness, you’ve got me monologuing!”),…

I would have been way more up in arms about the idea of letting Rogen do “Preacher” if I’d remembered that that movie existed.

Months later, but... there’s a fair amount of real life inspiration there too

jaw-repositioner

I’m a few hairs shy of 37, and I look at least a decade younger than this fuckhead.

The “generality” of that rule can only go so far. I was most certainly an asshole in high school, but not the kind of asshole who decided who my friends should be based on their race, nor the kind of asshole who jumped into a girls’ track meet, nor even the kind of asshole who jumped into the end of any track meet!