I feel like this is just a shrug and move on moment. 

What was the explanation in the end?

Ok, that’s some real-life scary shit. Great story. Glad it worked out for everyone!

Right? Was this a scam she was running with the landlord? And to what end? So many questions.

Wooooow. Good parrot!

Did your friend ever call the police?

Kinda thought it was an escaped parrot, as well.

I think the real shocker here is that Kathy Hilton is only 62! I thought she was in her mid-seventies. I guess I assumed, because she’s had so much work done and she always seems befuddled.

However, when I eat a lackluster-looking Big Mac, it’s still delicious and provides some sort of nutrition. Sure, I didn’t get a fluffy bun and everything is constructed haphazardly, but I got what I came for. If I used her makeup and found out it DIDN’T smooth my pores and give me abs, I’d be piiiiiiissed.

This was kind of what she said, but I would encourage people to seek out the original for better context:

Right? Like, the cyclists have aspirations too. That’s why they were training on the fucking road when your client RAN THEM OVER.

The difference in her face is so stark! Like, you are promoting a makeup line, but you’re using photoshop instead of the makeup to promote your supposedly amazing product? Make it make sense.

APPLAUSE. Thank you. I don’t want to raise a child in a house filled with my own resentment.

Well, if the cops aren’t going to do anything, they can get this idiot in a civil suit, right?

That’s kind of a big side-effect!

Oh! I thought Coolsculpting was for your midsection. I didn’t know it could be done on your face. That’s awful.

The still shot posted above looks like the entire family just launched themselves at one person, who was merely making a request. It’s not shocking, because we all anticipated this, but it is disgusting.

This is exactly what I knew would happen: Young, twenty-something women would bear the brunt of this new mandate. We need to start hiring bears and former UFC fighters as restaurant hosts.

This should have been the Met Gala all along. Sorry, I don’t care about who wore what or who came with bad bangs: SHOW ME THE DOGS!

Donald Trump never pays: He gets services and then wanders off.