This actually looks really sad. I’m not here for dinosaur slaughters because men fucked up.

Dudes, ham is sick. It is absolutely the reason I quit eating pork. Because fuck ham. Occasionally bacon or sausage, NEVER HAM.

The big appetizer at my house isn’t oysters but...smoked oysters?

Nope. There are between 8 and 9 5ks in a marathon (a marathon is 42k, divide that by 5 (for 5k), you get 8.4). Still impressive, though.

It’s a cat nap?

I worked at a local bookstore here in my town, Laramie, WY, for 10 years, and she is one crabby old lady. She lives nearby, or used to.

A-fucking-men. It’s not your leg, so fuck off, haters!!

People have been grossed out by various body parts of mine in the past.

As a person who has had psoriasis her whole life, that sure looks like psoriasis plaques to me. But I could be wrong.

Ugh, Maureen O’Hara was an actual GODDESS in the original.

Weirdly, what bothers me most about that sentence is the use of the word “my”. They’re not YOURS, motherfucker.

Dude, I’m going to watch the HELL out of this movie.

Their new album sounds really good!

Do they have any made of heavy duty military grade canvas and like, rope?

Can I add the best trio? Beef or elk summer sausage, a sharp white cheddar, and a nice seedy deli mustard #craving

Spaghetti and cottage cheese. It’s horrifyingly good.

When I was a kid my mom always put tuna fish in a box of mac and cheese during Lent. I HATED tuna when I was a kid, and begged for her to not do this.

Peanut butter and banana! Fucking delicious, and not bad for you.

But if you’re looking for bad for you, I am addicted to Ruffles dipped in both hot bean dip and ranch dip simultaneously. Like, it’s a problem. It’s my perfect hangover food.

But the Nighthawk is so fucking delicious!! I might get a box in like 3 hours when I’m off.

Dude, Michael could get it when I first read it (although I was like 14 so ew) and could get it NOW. And the sequels are even more infuriating.