Well yeah, most judges don’t take kindly to attempted bribery. Sort of surprised that didn’t get tacked on to her charges...

Nope, just “hey best friend, can you hook me up with one of your wife’s friends?”

You’re forgetting that the Yaris once advertised its mere vehicular existence as its key attribute.

There is no way that dude hasn’t snorted coke off of a bitches ass.

He looks like a college lax bro who was the best player on his team in high school, but third-string at best in college, so he drowns his existential misery in cheap beer and nachos.

I don’t know if that’s exactly where he took it from, but given that the Orthodox liturgy is older than the Catholic mass, I’m just educatedly guessing?

We Orthodox have said it for centuries. Just a bit of church reunification is all. :)

I mean, Jeff Sessions claimed to have defended civil rights too, so that’s a potentially low bar to clear.

Also, it’s like a vaccine.

I know, right? I feel like this is all stuff we either knew or reasonably guessed. Who said the president needed to be a monk before meeting his “one true love?” Certainly doesn’t apply to our current national joke.

Stars! They’re just like us!

She’s Joel Osteen for upper middle class millennial white women.

Ooooh. Porch Rocker. It’s that season again!

You’re missing the point of her name. She didn’t comment on all those because this is the only thing that all 39 of her Helen personalities agree on.

Yeah, but he was FIRED. That’ll larn’im!

I hope my eventual mid-life crisis is like Pitt’s. It sounds pretty good.

This is awesome.

Murder gives crows a bad name.

Eric Trump’s really let himself go.