“Nothing happened” is, by far and away, the most common “consensual sexual event” in my house.

Our eighteen-month old was drinking milk in the car one time while we were driving from NJ to MA and he puked it up all over the back seat about halfway through the Connecticut Turnpike. It’s been more than five years and I will never forget that smell. Things happen to milk and cheerios and puffs when they mingle…

Boston Wrong

+ every dadjoke ever

Only sort of related: the wife and I took the kids down to this game from NYC. Nats fans are unreal. Without exception, every fan and employee here has been friendly to us and nice to our kids, despite the four of us being decked out in blue and orange. And, when Syndergaard got hurt, there was polite applause and…

Injuries happen, hitters go cold, and teams struggle. It happens. But only the Mets can fuck shit up this brilliantly. Star slugger with a history of gimpy wheels is hurt? RUSH HIM BACK. Syndergaard can’t pitch? Sick the media on him but for God’s sake DON’T TELL HARVEY. Jay Horwitz is a fucking moron. It’s…

“I think this deserves a lot more focus in the press, now more than ever.”

“Elderly Florida man proud that his 30-love score is making headlines in the tennis world.”

Fireman Ed: “F-U-C-K. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

I am too much of an idiot to figure out how to put a picture in the comments, so you have to click the link, but I promise it’s worth it.

Good lord. Shame on me. Fixed.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Related: the other day my boys and I watched (from a reasonably respectful and safe distance) a turkey vulture drag an entire deer carcass from our neighbor’s front lawn into the woods. Circle of life. It was fucking boss.

“This is fucking great.”

I love the nuanced moralizing on the talk shows this morning. “Well, Boomer, Cabrera did seem pretty happy about that home run six months ago, but I don’t think you can throw at his head there. Throw at his leg.” Or, “you do that with a six-run lead; not in a tie game.” Right. Don’t kill him, just maim him. Or…

Who?

So, wait, the U.S. and Mexico really are gonna work together on a wall?

Bruce’s Anal Power Demolishes Colon’s Offering

Colon No Match for Anal Power

I know, I know, I know.