I was pretty certain that PETA discourages what they call “animal companions” pretty heavily, too. They definitely do run high kill rate shelters. But it’s weird seeing them run rescue ads.

Oh! Ok, so up front disclaimer of the following story: I’m not usually this awful and I was nineteen at the time.

Bless his heart, he wasted all that gallantry.

Hey, spiders are useful creatures and they can be cute. I love wolf spiders with their fat fuzzy bodies. Rather have spiders in my yard than mosquitoes any day :)

On most days he’s a billionaire rock star but when servers cry out for humane treatment he becomes - ***FRIENDLY CUSTOMER MAN***

You haven’t heard of Hawthorne Heights? They are the epitome of emo bands. You know that song “Ohio is For Lovers” - “So cut my wrists and black my eeeeeeeyyess! So I can fall asleep toniiiiiight! Because you killed me!!”? That’s them. Good to know they tip well even if their music is shit.

OMG. I want to squeeze him.

OMG, men saving baby animals. I can’t.

A secluded area of my elementary school playground was always littered with condoms. It’s how I learned what a condom is/the nitty gritty about p in v.

I was a late developer. Always small and always younger looking than I was, I got a particularly creepy version of old men hitting on me. They would creepily sidle up to me, try to chat me up, then eventually ask how old I was. Not one was ever not shocked (disappointed?) when I turned out older than I appeared.

I’m a Kinja dummy and have no idea of how to send this to you directly but you need to see this.

Look paparazzi people, don’t mess with Ryan. Deadpool and Deadpool fans have that pretty boy’s back.

It’s getting somewhat easier. She’s getting less and less frantic now and someone suggested I try hydrogel pads (which, OMG, my nipples have never been so grateful).

I really found having my crazy paranoid first time parent questions answered patiently by someone who is really, honestly rooting for me super helpful.

I actually called the lactation consultant today :)

So I’m learning to breastfeed right now. My four day old and I have had many uncomfortable moments of me sobbing, “JUST SUCK THE DAMN BOOB” while she flails about frantically instead of latching on.

My dad was also an officer for eight years. He never once fired his gun and only drew it twice in that time. As far as I know, no one ever tried to take it. It was much more likely that someone that close would try to punch him than steal his holstered, secure weapon.

Drop Dead Gorgeous is my go-to shitty day movie. It is perfect in all ways.

The one that falls in regularly has never managed to slash me though she is very much non-declawed and too dumb to figure out which way is “out” of the tub. I usually cram myself into whichever end she is not currently turning into a claw whirlpool and wait for her to eject herself to track water all over the house.

I have THE BEST BATHTUB in the world. It’s an antique iron, claw foot tub. When you fill it up with hot, hot water, the whole thing just radiates perfection. That bathtub is my refuge. That bathtub is my Fortress of Solitude. That bathtub makes awful days into cathartic tub cries.