Yeah, this is crazy. Women should just stick to natural cleansing methods, like vodka soaked tampons. They’re a lot more fun too.

Glitches in his programming. Future upgrades will make it even harder for him to fail the Turing test.

It is!

I’m in love with Jamie Lee Curtis cat, that is all

This is what Michael looked like from A 2001 TV Guide cover.

I can’t help but feel MJ would be honored by that casting choice.

I’m up with you until Clinton and Sanders. In my mind, flip the two:

Totally. They may sound similar, but they have very different meanings.

Martha DGAF. Except about your boat. It better be a big boat.

Gaddamn it I love Martha. Her recipes are bomb and her attitude is hilarious.

People always say that but I don’t get it. I get why “I’m sorry that people were offended” is a shitty apology. But “I’m sorry to those that I offended” seems 100% reasonable. The people that weren’t offended obviously don’t want an apology so why would one be directed to them?

Girlfriend... Yeah...

Yet I still would.

Must there always be a “blame”. A bad thing happened. I’m sure her friends feel guilty as fuck.

I’m sure they will, all the more reason for us not to blame them.

Found the person criticizing a child.

is this a happy sigh? because I’m all about this look.

i know which is why it’s sweet/cute and not obnoxious

Guy says: “I want to be there for my kids their entire life.”